Is it a felony or is it a misdemeanor if porch-pirates steal a shipment of tildes from in front of my house?

 

  Why am I suspicious that you’re somehow involved in all of this, Stu?  Grrrrrrrrr. 

Don't know. I guess you're a suspicious kind of guy.

 

  Hey, wait . . . grrrrrrrrrrr.

Yep---the highest level of appropriate civil disobedience.   

 

  Grrrrr. 

 

  Based on the video evidence, I’ve provided the postal inspectors with a possible suspect list:

9. Lady Ondine 
8. Livvie
7. Just Asking
6. Merlin
5. carbonproduct
4. SavvyAnsley
3. Nice Jugs*
2. Jaimie*
1. Jane S

 

  Expect to be hauled into headquarters for questioning at any time.

*Interpol has also been contacted.

There are 21 Spanish-speaking countries that need those tildes more than you do.

Hmm, This means that there's one person here who actually has a motive who's not on your list.  

I need that delivery now.  Randy is my best customer.  He's waiting.  I must repackage them and send them to him soon.

A virgulilla de la eñe must never be fed after midnight, and it must never get wet.  The reason why the truck is halted for inspection is because the virgulilla de la eñe can never get wet, so the truck must carry warning plates.  I don't see them on the truck.

You forgot keeping them out of bright light ...

 

  You’re the porch-pirate woman in the gif, aren’t you, Livvie?  Grrrrrrrrrr. 

:[

Umm, no, I got there just a few minutes after she did.  That's just Randi Dee.  She's more interested in the sales receipt in the package and the credit offers in your mailbox, so she just took what she wanted and gave me the tildes.

Randi Dee and you have a lot in common, such as a birthday, a social security number and a mom with the same maiden name! This post was edited by Livvie at September 8, 2020 10:46 PM MDT

 

  You’re deranged. This is nothing more than your flimsy attempt to throw the suspicion off of yourself by imagining some fictitious “Randi Dee” character.

Grrrrrrr. 

I tried to tell you about the mailbox robber, so don't blame me when the bill for her shopping spree comes in the mail.  You should really thank me.  She would've just dumped your tildes on the side of the road.  I'm the one who saved them so I could send them to Martina so she could sell them to you, but please don't tell her the tildes she sells you are the ones I'm stealing from you.  I've got a pretty good scheme going on here.

 

Thank you for your answer. You do realize that my post is merely in jest, correct?
~

No. I really thought you ordered and paid good money a huge box of tildes and someone else thought they were so valuable that they stole them........

 

  I see. Tildes are not a tangible asset, I don’t really collect hoards of them, and there is no actual tilde vault in my house.

~

Really. I would have never guessed.