Why do some women wear so much makeup?

  The answer is simple!

  Over 100 years of cosmetic industry influence has duped SOME women into truly believing two basic falsehoods: 1) you are horribly and disgustingly foul-looking in your natural state, and 2) even though your brutally ugly vision causes an eye-gouging desire in anyone forced to gaze upon you for more than one second, the only hope you have for ever meeting normal standards of displaying your wretched face and vomit-inducing skin in public with an air respectability and any attempt to appear graceful, human-like, and womanly, is for you to BUY and USE as many of our chemical-laden and utterly useless jars, vials, cans, beakers, tubes, tubs, vats, barrels, cases, pallets and shiploads of dubiously-advertised and laughable-endorsed “products”, bearing in mind the none of them are cheap in price regardless of how cheap the quality, and each item must be accompanied by at least two other ridiculously-priced and equally ineffective items, not to mention that after purchasing the first ones, several more items of supposedly different types and formulas must also be purchased to enhance the previous ones, not unlike a Ponzi scheme of toiletries, requiring each application to be spackled over with a caulking gun by yet another goop or paste or wax or solvent or crap that we pretend has just been discovered to be the beauty secret to end all beauty secrets (until next month when we come out with the exact same claim about a new concoction that’s expected to be better than the last).

  But wait, THERE’S MORE, MUCH MORE!  Your nasty mug and scaly hide are in such bad shape that vast quantities of these miracle “cures” for your putrid unattractiveness are needed to transform your hoglike beastly visage. While quite small in individual volume when you pay our high prices for them, the plan calls for you to buy increasingly more and more of our junk over both short periods and long periods of time to make up for any profits that Big Cosmetic and Big Toilet might miss out on if we relied on simple truth and actual needs to push our junk. Sure, not much in each container, but they are to be used heavily, thickly, unabashedly, in successively overlapping coats, often, and repeatedly. As you run out of them, buy more and more; anything to keep yourself from being caught dead with that corpse you call a body and that skull you call a face.

  Don’t bother that men are much less bombarded with these messages and pitches than women are; both Madison Avenue and Wall Street have poured millions of dollars into research, development, advertising, and marketing to play on your weaker and more gullible minds, targeting each complex or anxiety that they can exploit in order to convince you what ogres you are and how to spend your way to being so-called pretty.

End of rant.
:[