[This is perfectly tailor-made for the Anti-Randy D crowd among us, especially the ones who continually file those frivolous restraining order applications. Grrrrrrr.
Imagine you have only these two following choices to make concerning Randy D:
A. Randy D disappears from your life forever, he cannot make any contact with you whatsoever nor do anything to interject himself as a presence in your life in any way, buttttttttt, every day for the rest of your life, you must post a new/different glowing and praiseworthy commentary of at least 150 words extolling his virtues and wonderful personality.
OR
B. Randy D moves in with you for the rest of his natural life (expected to be at least 40 more years), and you get to make sandwiches for him day and night when you’re not maintaining his Tilde Vault.]
Charming, engrossing, extroverted, generous, and fun-filled.
Varied schedules, can’t easily be defined nor codified.
A private guided tour of The Harem premises would be the best way to see things for yourself. Shall we start with the sub-basement?
~
This is great! You’ll absolutely love the accommodations in the sub-basement! How soon can you move in?
~
But you get every third holiday off! I’ll go easy on your sandwich quota the first year! I’ll make you a trustee so that you can boss the other inmates employees around! You’ll get front-of-the-line privileges for the slop bucket! You’ll have the freedom to clean that basement to your heart’s desire and according to your own high standards! Your tin cup will runneth over!
~
Well, only because you’re begging for one, and only because it’s you. Here it is:
C. Every day for the rest of your life, you must post a new/different glowing and praiseworthy commentary of at least 150 words extolling Randy D’s virtues and wonderful personality, you move into his spare bedroom for the rest of his natural life (expected to be at least 40 more years), and you get to make sandwiches for him day and night when you’re not maintaining his Tilde Vault.
See what happens when you overreach?
~
That’s not part of the deal! Besides, you’re not a member of the target demographic for Option B, so by default, I’ll mark you down for Option A.
~
But if you did that, it would mean you and I could never be togeth…oh, wait, I see. Grrrrrrrrrrrr.
:(
And you neither file revolving and frivolous restraining orders against me nor do you want to do me physical harm. Besides that, you’re as compliant as can be. I like that, it’s a nice change. I can get ahold of ol’ Jane S any time I want to, she’s the dime-a-dozen type, but you, well, you seem like one-in-a-million. You know, I think I’ll prepare the largest and most comfortable cell suite for you in the basement dungeon dormitory. (Cough, cough.)
~
Two typographical errors. I can’t do this. My adoring public might see me. Grrrrrrr.
~
Honey Dew 