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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » Would you please share your thoughts about and/or experience(s) with significant* age gap relationships?

Would you please share your thoughts about and/or experience(s) with significant* age gap relationships?

*significant=at least a generation

Both serious answers and jokes encouraged. 

Posted - April 20

Responses


  • 33165
    I think as long as the younger one is mature adult...(30+)  it does not matter.  If both are sincere.   If younger than that it makes one think of manipulation by the older person. 

    ie. An 18 yr old and 38 yrs old is creepy but a 30 and 48 does not have the same creepiness. 

    My husband is almost nine years older than I am. 
      April 20, 2024 9:36 AM MDT
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  • 10053
    Wouldn't it be amazing if somehow turning 30 made everyone a mature adult?
    For some reason I'm recalling the time a 55-year-old drunk driver totaled my car, injuring me and my young child. Even though I was more than 20 years his junior, I maintain that I was the mature adult in that situation!

    I do see your point. Thanks for responding. 
      April 21, 2024 6:23 PM MDT
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  • 17503
    My sister is nine years older than her husband of 39 years.  Not even a hiccup in their relationship so far as I know.
      April 20, 2024 2:31 PM MDT
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  • 1456
    (Hush--they'll find out!!) 

    I haven't known any such couples, but I'm quite charmed by the idea of relationships that connect people of different backgrounds. Love spans continents, religions, upbringing, race... More briefly: what doesn't it? 

    In a way, I suppose age may differentiate people more than those other factors (although an image comes to mind of older people who are very sensitive to youthful tribulations; or of young people who find it difficult to understand and be understood by their peers). So if I'm going to form an opinion on this, which I don't necessarily believe I should, my instinct is: they must deeply and sincerely love each other to accept such a difference. 

    Unless she just lured him with her sandwich-making, of course.
      April 21, 2024 5:35 AM MDT
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  • 10053
    If it weren't for those two eloquent and thoughtful paragraphs in the middle, I'd say you've been hanging out with Randy D too much! 

    ;)
      April 21, 2024 6:49 PM MDT
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  • 53081

     

      Hey, wait! Grrrrrrrrr. 

     


    (Lol.)
    ~

      April 21, 2024 7:10 PM MDT
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  • 1456
    Hehe, I didn't mean to sound overly serious. If I did... I suppose there are other factors, too. Say, an added need for reassurance. 

    Couples who are about the same age don't wonder if their partner would be better off with someone older or younger, do they? (Well, for all I know, they might.) In an inter-generational relationship, I can see that being a subject: for one, the older half may think the person they love deserves to be with someone who has more time and physical ability, no matter how the younger half demonstrates awareness of that and wants for nothing regardless.

    That's probably the more obvious aspect, but it could be the other way around too, if a younger person feels inadequate on a different level -- emotionally or intellectually. They haven't yet garnered the experience their loved one has; they may worry they don't always please their partner in that way; they may show their immaturity sometimes and make excuses for it, while under pressure to act older than their age lest any outsiders view them as "kept" only because they're young.

    Isn't it ironic that, the more emotionally intelligent people are, the more likely they are to have these worries? Then again, they're also more likely to deal with them appropriately. Anyway, this was sort of focused on potential hang-ups, without regard for the fact that there are beautiful flipsides to all of them. If the rare couple can combine their energy and their outlooks--be wise and youthful, both of which can stem from either source--they may just as well have the best of both worlds. 

    Or so I feel. 

    Quite confidently. This post was edited by Danilo_G at May 17, 2024 2:44 AM MDT
      May 7, 2024 7:18 AM MDT
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  • 1964
    Danilo..Why you take out the like for CC? For that you get this because..you took out the like for my CC. I feel I am intellectual amd makes up for lack of emotion and is a control measure for nothing.

    An emotionally neutral upbringing may have its challenges in life, but it doesn't necessarily make it harder for everyone. Emotional intelligence and resilience can be developed and nurtured throughout one's life, regardless of the upbringing. While an emotionally rich upbringing can provide valuable insights and tools for navigating social situations and relationships, it's possible to learn these skills and adapt to various life situations with determination, self-awareness, and openness to personal growth. It's essential to recognize one's strengths and weaknesses, seek support when needed, and continuously work on improving emotional intelligence and emotional This post was edited by CosmicWunderkind at April 21, 2024 6:25 AM MDT
      April 21, 2024 5:49 AM MDT
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  • 1456
    Hey, I'm sorry, I'm not aware of what I did... What does CC mean?
      April 21, 2024 5:56 AM MDT
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  • 1964
    Cosmological Constant my end. I'm only king. Hey don't take it seriously. Hey! Where you going!? Oh I get it. Some people can't take a joke  This post was edited by CosmicWunderkind at April 21, 2024 1:28 PM MDT
      April 21, 2024 5:58 AM MDT
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  • 1456
    Hehe, I didn't realize, but I've liked your cosmological constant discussion in the meantime! Cool question, and cool answers.
      April 21, 2024 1:29 PM MDT
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  • 1964
    Man! You know I want to be close and a wiseass won't work for me. I'm so glad you understand. I was just thinking worldly again and wonder if people are just becoming more bizarrely tempestuous these days you know? And why? Or is it my fear of rejection. China ban Tik Tok not Democrats you blemish on enlightenment! Nice guy but railroaded into a particular dead end belief system. A puritan firebrand.
    This post was edited by CosmicWunderkind at April 21, 2024 2:02 PM MDT
      April 21, 2024 1:31 PM MDT
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  • 1456
    Maybe they are becoming more bizarrely tempestuous, yeah. Or there could be more potential for misunderstandings when our manner of communication has changed so much overall, switching to the digital side. I don't know; it's hard to keep track of such changes, over time, objectively. Being fair-weathered and untempestuous can be challenging for all of us sometimes, can't it? This post was edited by Danilo_G at April 21, 2024 2:56 PM MDT
      April 21, 2024 2:14 PM MDT
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  • 1964
    "Emotions of the moment" doesn't lie. I think Future Shock, not just meaning the book, may definitely be approaching if it's not already here. There too many, "things". ADHD city. This post was edited by CosmicWunderkind at April 21, 2024 4:20 PM MDT
      April 21, 2024 2:58 PM MDT
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  • 1964
    Don't thank me, thank Music is savior or whomever for saying it just the universe expanding and every year we are two inches more away from the moon. Interesting right there if is correct.
      April 21, 2024 3:06 PM MDT
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  • 10248
    My only concern would be if there are children from the relationship. There are no guarantees but, I think you should aim for being able to raise your offspring to adulthood before death, dementia, or disability become more likely. 

    I once had a lengthy relationship with a man two years younger than I was. I was able to overlook his immaturity. :):)
      April 21, 2024 9:37 AM MDT
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  • 10053
    I certainly agree with you about children, and the no guarantees. 

    It's interesting how our perceptions of such things can change over time, or (more likely) due to circumstances. 
      April 21, 2024 6:44 PM MDT
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  • 1456
    I think that makes good sense, but also that the fact of no guarantees offers some degree of inherent counterpoint. 

    My mother had another child at 43 -- which is not exactly the age we're talking about here, but my point is that she'll be the first to admit there are ways in which she is a better parent now. (Not that I ever hold anything against her.) I don't feel like anyone with the desire to have children should let old age, in itself, hamper them. Even a short time spent with a loving parent seems better than a long period with any other kind. And, I would hope, better than never existing at all. But that's a more complex question yet. 

    Does the matter change if we factor in adoption? Because it also seems better than never really having a parent to begin with.
      May 8, 2024 6:09 AM MDT
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  • 10248
    Good points.
      May 8, 2024 12:42 PM MDT
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  • 1456
    Thanks, Jane. Concerning adoption, I would joke that it's ethical to have children, but unethical to make them.
      May 8, 2024 1:15 PM MDT
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  • 53081

     

      Where is she? Lead me to her and I’ll take care of the rest! Grrrrrrrr.


      ~

      April 21, 2024 6:37 PM MDT
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  • 10053
    If she's a generation older than you, I want the name of her plastic surgeon! 
      April 21, 2024 6:52 PM MDT
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  • 53081

    ~

      April 21, 2024 6:54 PM MDT
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  • 10248
    It looks more like photo editing to me. I look gorgeous in my selfies.
      April 23, 2024 12:15 PM MDT
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