You read that on the internet and believed it, didn't you? It's truly, truly sad when an intelligent woman such as you drinks the Kool-Aid. She's gotten to you with her lies and subterfuge, I see.
*Slowly shakes his head in pity, quietly closes the door and walks away.
Yes Randy, the police came by today. The tildes told them all about you! They told them all about being locked in cages and how you never cleaned up after them but don't worry, I washed all of the tilde poo off of them when they came to me and now they're nice and clean and happy again! Yay!
Oh, in case you were wondering, not that you care, your former tildes are very happy on my new tilde refuge in southern New Mexico.
Wait, Officer, she's lying, this is a frame-up, I only had outdoor tildes that don't need washing, check the security tapes, those weren't my tildes who spoke with you guys, I can explain everything, tildes like to be in cages, I have a bad knee, check Livvie's purse for my real tildes, I know my rights, I have a twin brother who's always using my name, I have several alibis, jail food disagrees with my metabolism, Livvie is dirty, this is a case of mistaken identity, I've never used a tilde a day in my life, I can lead you to the real killers, I was never there, get me a lawyer, ten people can testify that I was way on the other side of town, I don't even speak Tilde, I had a special tilde litter box in my house that they used every single day, Livvie is really my partner and she planned all of this, I'm an American citizen, don't put me back in a cell with Big Bubba, tildes don't even like water, I have to appear on the Ellen Show 4 hours from now, Livvie's a hoarder, tildes lie all the time, I want to see a DNA test before I believe Livvie is the mother of those tildes, you can't take me in, my grandmama gave me those tildes, police brutality, someone is using my fingerprints, please don't arrest me, I'm working undercover for the FBI and The CIA, I'm allergic to handcuffs, they can do all kinds of things with cameras these days, she's the one who beat those tildes, I look terrible in mug shots, I'll leave town if you let me go, don't Taze me, tildes love me . . .
Benedict Arnold 