"This is the police department, how may I help you, please?"
"My name is Randall D, and I'm calling to say that I'll be there at the police station in 15 minutes to turn myself in."
"Turn yourself in? For which crime, sir?"
"What's hot these days? Armed robbery, assault and battery, grand larceny, arson with injury . . . "
(Muttered under the breath) Sixteen minutes before the end of shift and I have to get a nutcase call. (Aloud.) "Sir, it doesn't usually work that way. You should only turn yourself in if you've actually committed the crime and you're confessing to your guilt."
"Oh. Well then that's what I want to do, I want to confess!"
"Back to square one, is that it? Ok, Mr. Randall D, to which crime are you confessing?"
"Oh, anything you've got just as long as it's a felony that carries a long sentence behind bars; I'm not picky. Any cold case, anything unsolved."
"Sir, let me get this straight, are you saying that you just want to confess and turn yourself in for any ol' random crime?"
"No, no, no, no. I'll need something specific, something that guarantees I'll be locked away from the public for a long time. I figure that if I'm in prison, she can't get to me."
"This is about a woman. Why doesn't that surprise me? Listen, buddy, you're wasting valuable time that could be devoted to someone else who had a real problem. We can't save you from your woman-related troubles."
"Wait, this isn't just any woman, it's Livvie."
"Livvie again? Why didn't you say so in the beginning? You're the fifth or sixth person this week alone, the cells are filling up! Don't even bother coming here, we'll send a car for you."
You can always visit me other place. I know from previously grammar nerds are seen as highly unpleasant people. Grilly will be there too. Although she likely won't have time for anyone but her friends there. :-)
Livvie 