"I asked who you are."
"Mr. D, we need to speak with you at our offices concerning a serious matter connected to your internet activity. Please cooperate by coming along with us. It shouldn't take more than a day or two to straighten everything out."
"I'm not going to open this door, and in fact, I'm calling the police right . . . "
"That won't be necessary, as the police are already aware of what you've been up to. Our questioning has been officially green-lighted by all local authorities. Now if you'll just quit stalling, Mr. D, the sooner we get started, the sooner we can get to the bottom of things."
"I'm not going anywhere with you!"
"Oh, but you are, Mr. D, you most certainly are. My teams are prepared to get physical with you if you make it necessary."
"Your teams? What teams?"
"I'm not here alone, sir. You will find that every entrance and exit to your residence has at least two or three of my women and men stationed at them in case you try to escape. The same goes for the outdoor walkways, the streets, the alleys, etc."
"Who
are you people?"
"Let's just say that we look into breaches of online protocol."
"What breaches? I ain't got no stinkin' breeches! Hey, wait a second, are you with the government? The FCC (Federal Communications Commission), the NSA (National Security Agency), the CIA (Central Intelligence Agency), which one?"
"Please, sir. Those entities, like all federal agencies, answer to us. They're mere underlings, lapdogs, puppets, powerless and ineffective compared to us. Now time is of the essence. Come along, you can't win this one."
"Hey, my cell phone is dead, and so is my landline!"
"Yes, we know they are. We are the ones who did that. Your warnings have expired, sir."
[The sound of glass breaking and wood splitting, followed by shouts of several people, a violent struggle, fisticuffs, furniture being broken, household items crashing to the floor, a Taser deployed several times.]
"You can't come in here, I know my rights!"
"Take him down, don't let him get to a weapon! Get the handcuffs on him, hurry!"
"GRRRRRR!!"
"He's really putting up a fight, bring all teams in here! Silence him before the neighbors take note! Double-team him, triple-team him if you have to! That's it, tighten those cuffs on him! Wait, he's not done fighting, even in handcuffs! Watch his legs! Use the shackles too!"
"GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!"
"There, now gag him too. Use the gag and then the duct tape. Have the driver back the van right up to the front door. Call Headquarters and let them know we will need the high-security interrogation booth for this one. A few of you stay behind and tidy the place up according to the video camera coverage we've collected over the past few years. Pack a large bag with his clothing and other personal items. Make it look as if he decided to take a long trip without telling anyone. Let's go, people!"
--
Benedict Arnold 