Do you ever feel like hating people who do selfish, hurtful things to you is wrong, like those people are actually the one's who need love?

I think it is natural to feel angry from hurt.   But it is not natural to grow resentful and build up more and more anger over any person's insult towards you, whether they meant it or not.  Because, then you give them your power.  It is up to you to move on and grow and smile and let go.  To do otherwise is to endanger yourself and make yourself sick.   Don't do it.

Mixed feelings? You're hurt and naturally want to get even but you seem to have a good nature about you and don't really want to retaliate. Nice.
(Romans 12:17-21) Return evil for evil to no one. Take into consideration what is fine from the viewpoint of all men. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but yield place to the wrath; for it is written: “‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says Jehovah.” 20 But “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing this you will heap fiery coals on his head.” 21 Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.

Break-ups elicit all sorts of emotions. If you don't feel like hating her, don't hate her. Hopefully there will come a time when you stop giving her so much power over you. Sounds to me like you were more in love with who you wanted her to be rather than who she actually is. 

You can feel anger and hurt without hating. It's unhealthy for you to feel hatred or want revenge. It won't really help you to heal. 

I don't think that romantic love is meant to be unconditional. You can still care for someone without loving them in that way. I'm not sure that majorly flawed people deserve that sort of love, at least not from people who they've harmed. 

(the ones who)

i dont feel guilty for hating someone, not if they gave me a reason to hate them

No.  That amounts to you loving someone and putting all your energy into the relationship while they take.  Question is who is loving you? In loving her you neglected yourself, and she didn't care about that, so if you don't take care of yourself in a relationship who will?  You'll end up lost, missing from the relationship.

A relationship that is full of the up's and down's is emotionally exhausting, some people crave that because to them being in a truly loving relationship would feel boring or emotionally flat to them, they look for the push pull relationship, they want you to love them then they feel suffocated and so push you away, then when you leave they want you back and it goes on and on like that in a cycle, this isn't love.  Love is when two people think about each other and take care of themselves at the same time, in this way no one is resenting the other for not loving them enough or not letting them do as they want, because they both want a happy supportive life, both people matter and so the relationship works, it's not a drama.

Unfortunately, too many movies portray love as a drama, a battle, a fight for each other. A real relationship isn't like this, it is a partnership of two people supporting and loving one another through the ups' and downs of life, NOT creating those up's and downs' themselves.  A true relationship is the little old couple in the park, who have supported each other through life, who knows all the little oddities about one another, who have been their holding hands and cheering each other along, who have cried together, who, despite the passing of time, often still feel like the two people who met 20- 50 years ago just a lot wiser.

You can never love someone into changing, they will simply look outside of themselves for that change rather within, leaving her may be the best thing for her, unfortunately she'll probably look for another shmuck to cling onto, because unless she changes from within, there will never be enough attention she can gain from without.  She'll just wear one poor bugger out to the next, at least that won't be you.  Let her grow up. This post was edited by kjames at July 28, 2017 6:08 PM MDT