Can you forgive someone who hurt you if you don't understand their motives?

They can piss off and it doesn't matter if I didn't understand their motives. This post was edited by Zack at July 28, 2017 6:08 PM MDT

Yes, we should always try to understand why they did it... but the thing is, in the real world mostly we don't get that chance anyway.. SO all we see is our hurt and our anger/frustration and disappointment... So I guess that's all we can deal with.

That is the most important thing for you to do for yourself.  When you cannot understand.  None of us can really understand another's motives  exactly.  We can have compassion, yes, but a murderer is oftentimes impossible to understand for instance.

Someone who is so selfish as to be totally unaware of anyone else but their own self is another example.

Why must I dwell in their private hell when they are only trying to hurt me and never want to evolve?

I just surrender to the fact that God closed that door and will open another one for me to walk through if I just let go and let God and not look back in anger or disappointment.  Everyone suffers. It was just my turn to learn a lesson in compassion that I may never understand.

In one dramatic and scary experience for me, I did forgive all along the several weeks of attacks. The person told me to my face the extreme plan of hurt for me; I was told some of the motives but I seemed to have seen things from a different perspective.
I did forgive without knowing the exact details of all the motives of everything.
I care not to know the details at this point for my own well-being.
I still sincerely wish the person the best. This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at July 28, 2017 3:36 PM MDT

Yes , usually I can, I believe holding on to hate is more painful to myself than the person I am angry with... so I tend to forgive quickly and easily. I just wanna be angry today though. So today I'd give anyone who ever hurt me a high five ... to the face ... with a chair. Cos I said so.RAAAAAAR 

I prefer to try to understand the motives. I may not accept them, but sometimes knowing that someone did something out of fear or that they didn't know how to handle things better makes a difference. There are times when the person doesn't even know that their actions were hurtful. You can talk with them and try to make sure that the same hurts don't occur again. 

Equally, we're not all going to be in the same place, emotionally and mentally. There is a broad spectrum of disorders and such that make it impossible for people to grasp what they've done and make it impossible for them to do better. That's not necessarily a motive, per se, but knowing someone did the best they were capable or loved as much as they were capable, is enough to help the healing process. 

The fact is, not one of us has made it to this point in our lives without stepping on someones toes. I think most people do try to do the best they can, but we all fall short at times. I'm not infallible. I would hope that anyone I have hurt would try to understand what happened. I wouldn't hurt anyone intentionally. The fact that I didn't mean to hurt them doesn't magically make them not hurt, but it may help them move past it. You don't have to forget, and often, you shouldn't, but forgiving it and moving past it is essential for your well-being. 

depends on what they did

The person doesn't have to understand, the person who stole has to try to make amends that's it. That person understanding or forgiving the theft is totally out of thief's control.  If the thief is making amends for any other reason, then they are not making it for the right reason.

I've rarely been able to forgive straight away especially if the behaviour has caused an enormous amount of harm, I think time plays a role, and that cannot be rushed or hurried, time creates other experiences in life that may help a person to understand past wrongdoings of others, but the most important thing is for the person to not be consumed by the harm that person caused because then they've won.  However, understanding and explanations may help, other times they don't. What one person may think is reasonable, will not be reasonable to another.