What quote or saying do people spout but is complete BS?

I'll remember not to make the same mistake, if applicable.

Hi Harry!
I get your point. yes. and it's a good point.

But for me, if I don't remember what happened in this one instance, I can see myself falling right back into and under that person's power/influence. For me, I have forgiven but, for my own well-being and safety, I need to remember the extreme hurtful actions (police were even involved at one point) that person did against me.

I still understand where you're coming from, though, Harry.
:) This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at September 7, 2017 9:55 AM MDT

I also understand what you're saying Welby.  For all of us, it's useful to not forget the incident, as part of the life experience learning curve.  But, when it comes to the specific person involved, if you really think about it, when you don't completely forget the incident, there will always be a piece of you that just won't fully trust the other person as you once did. That means, there's a small part of you that can't really forgive him/her. ;-)

Put that way, yes, then I haven't totally forgiven - -because that trust between us is gone. (At least my trust in this person is gone on my part.)
And I'm OK with that then.

If I didn't forgive totally, then I didn't. There's a word I can't think of at the moment -- self-"something." I need to self-"something" for myself and to step back in with that person, totally forgiving them and forgetting everything they did, would be foolish of me.
At least, that's my take on it.
Regardless, I see your point more clearly now. Thanks for your patience, Harry!
:)

Welby, the word you're looking for is "self-preservation."  ;-)

No need to thank me for my patience honey.  I appreciate the fact that we can have a logical discussion and exchange of ideas.  There's nothing worse than having a thread breakdown and devolve into a hate fest because people can't get past their own egos.  xoxo

Self-preservation! That's it!
:)
Thanks for helping me out there.

Agreed, too, on exchanging our ideas.
:)

Unless you believe your ex doesn't/didn't truly love you, the saying applies to her, yes?    

Please don't ever think I'm defending what she did. Because it's indefensible. Sounds like she could use some psychological help. What I'm wondering is whether it's possible that she loved you the best she could with the tools she was given (or not given) from her birth family. Do you think her intention was to hurt you or your son? Again, this is not to justify what she did, just an attempt to understand.

You're right she didn't have an example of a marriage growing up.
She has had some messed up stuff happen to her in her past and she does need counselling.
She didn't want to hurt us, but she is selfish and very inconsiderate and she has 2 sides to her and she will always lie to get what she wants.
She was more loving during certain times in our marriage, but I don't completely understand how she could do these things, I'm still shocked, I'm still confused.
I loved her and took care of her and thought that I knew her better than anyone on earth.
I was with her for 15 years.
It could be a personality disorder or something, but I know that I can't be with her because I can NEVER trust her and I don't believe that she really wants to change.
Not for very long anyway.
So I gave up on her not because I don't love her, but because I don't think she loves me.

A wise decision to distance yourself from someone who's had such a toxic effect on your life. I would imagine that even she doesn't understand how she could do the things she did. And it might just be that she can't love anyone else because she doesn't love herself.

You may be right about that too because she told me that she is a b*tch and a wh**re and that hurt people, hurt people.

I think that she carried around lot of guilt while she was cheating and she blamed us for her guilt and she became incredibly hard to live with.
I remember going on another q&a site at that time and asking questions about "Why does my wife not come home and won't clean up after herself and threatens to move away with our child if I ask her about it?"
"Why has she become so mean?"
I remember a woman telling me that my wife is having an affair and is taking her guilt out on us.
The woman said that she's speaking from experience.
Everyone else on that q&a site jumped all over the woman telling her that it was wrong to assume my wife was cheating, but looking back that woman who replied was exactly right.
After seeing the damage it did to me my wife told me "Maybe I just shouldn't be in relationships at all anymore, all I do is hurt people."
So I think she is very confused as well and she doesn't tell anyone what she did.
I think she makes up lies about why our marriage ended.
I don't know what to think about her anymore or how to love her or help her in a healthy way.
I do have to distance myself or she will either turn me into her or cause me to do something crazy because I can't handle being hurt anymore. This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 7, 2017 5:43 PM MDT

Distance sounds like the healthy way to go. I'm sure you realize that it's not your job to help her except perhaps in the sense of supporting her being a good mother and hopefully getting help so you two can effectively co-parent your son.

God needs to be kicked in the balls.

I'm up first for doing that....   :)

Ugh, I hate being told that. Try telling it to an abused woman or child. Grrrrrr.........