Discussion»Questions»Emotions» Has anyone ever told you that you should stop trying to fix things, just sit with your emotional pain? Is that a quicker route to recovery?
That's normally not the best route for me. I think you need to allow yourself to feel your pain and address why you are feeling the emotions you are. Once you have confronted them, finding a path that will make you feel better and happier would be my next step. Continuing to punish yourself and be unhappy is not a good thing. I think you need to find what does make you happy and set it for a 3 month goal. If you dedicate an hour day to a day to that specific thing, you may start to feel a change in your view on life and yourself.
Now you are on your way to being part of the solution and not dwelling in the problem. :)
Life is too short not to enjoy as much as you can. We all have pasts that have us as victims and of poor decisions. Please don't beat yourself up. Try not to stay in that space. It's really not healthy mentally or physically. I hope this helps. Good Luck! Love, Merlin
It does help, thank you. a had a relationship end very suddenly and it makes me very sad, but sinking back into depression isn't going to help this time at least I don't think? I need to focus on getting healthier and stronger so I can make the most of whatever my future holds. It's really frustrating, but I'll try to move forward. I'll try. Thanks again.
You're welcome. I'm sorry you're sad. The good news is, "This too will pass." Try to think about all the things you do have and like to do. Go for it. :)
I think for the most part that if it is something you can easily let go, best to let it go. If you feel it bothers the other party, best to approach them peacefully to clear up the possible misunderstanding. If it bothers you too much, same thing, best to approach them to seek peace.
(Matthew 5:23, 24) “If, then, you are bringing your gift to the altar and there you remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar, and go away. First make your peace with your brother, and then come back and offer your gift. (Matthew 18:15-17) “Moreover, if your brother commits a sin, go and reveal his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he does not listen, take along with you one or two more, so that on the testimony of two or three witnesses every matter may be established. 17 If he does not listen to them, speak to the congregation. If he does not listen even to the congregation, let him be to you just as a man of the nations and as a tax collector.
(Romans 12:17-21) Return evil for evil to no one. Take into consideration what is fine from the viewpoint of all men. 18 If possible, as far as it depends on you, be peaceable with all men. 19 Do not avenge yourselves, beloved, but yield place to the wrath; for it is written: “‘Vengeance is mine; I will repay,’ says Jehovah.” 20 But “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by doing this you will heap fiery coals on his head.” 21 Do not let yourself be conquered by the evil, but keep conquering the evil with the good.
The quote from Romans reminds me of the West's relationship with extremist terrorists - extremely vengeful. While they must be stopped from doing harm - perhaps it would be better to use a non-military strategy where-ever possible - such as preventing their access to the internet, and funding via the drug trade. Since most extremists come from drought-ridden lands full of poverty, and lacking medicine and education, maybe some very careful negotiation of in-kind aid might help remove the motivations for violence.
Thank you for your comment Hartfire. Both sides likely think that they are right and possibly that God backs their bloody efforts? On their own, man cannot achieve world wide lasting peace. At least 6,000 years of history proves that.
Yes I agree I generally agree. We need to experience and feel and move through our emotional pain. Which is a quite natural process long as we are healthy and live a healthy and active lifestyle. The trouble is that some people instead go about feeding and so expanding their emotional pain which of course makes it worse! They focus on it and even come to cherish it instead of more positive and productive aspects of their lives.
I agree with that as well. I wonder if I can find a healthy way to deal with losing someone without feeding my emotional pain or bottling it up until it becomes anger. It's a delicate balance to get through it without upsetting my life and any progress I've made.
I don't think anyone has said that to me besides Ekhart Tolle and if you consider what he is saying, you may understand what those words actually mean in this context.
You can sit still and eventually you will have no pain. Your mind stops fighting and you find peace, if you can sit there and actively watch yourself watching yourself. When you realize this, you see that you are not your thoughts. Who is it that is watching? If that is YOU who are you watching?
When you are watching yourself suffer, you are no longer the sufferer. You are the witness. The witness is actually all you ever are or were. The witness is present during all moments. When we tap into this lens, we see we don't have to suffer, we can be totally at peace or totally enraged. Whatever we choose.
Hmm...I like that. It's all about perspective. Sometimes maybe we really can choose to feel any way we want to about almost anything if we can stop and detach ourselves from our issues or maybe that's just denial? Not sure. I'll try it, but some emotions seem pretty hard to overcome for me. Thanks.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at January 31, 2018 10:56 PM MST
It depends on the kind of emotional pain. I think it's always useful to sit with pain long enough to understand exactly what it is and what caused it. Then it becomes easier to know whether action is needed and what kind. When it comes from the grief of losing a loved one, letting the feelings take their natural course works best. Grief comes in 5 stages, in any order and of any duration: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Sadness is a part of depression, but accompanied by thinking one is trapped in an inescapable situation. Part of the process can be learning the life lessons needed; how did I contribute to what happened and what would work better next time? Sadness can then become part of the early phase of acceptance. The end of acceptance is actually joy and freedom. One good thing about break-ups is, it means the match was not the right one, and that leaves you free to find a better match.
Anger is an integral part of the grieving process... It helps us re-establish our personal boundaries that we opened to allow what we have now lost to come in close to us in the first place...
Anger is not something that is to be gotten over "as soon as possible."...If you forgive too quickly, you don't heal properly---you have been injured, whether accidentally or on purpose, and you must heal...
What would happen if you broke your leg on Tuesday, had it fixed on Wednesday, and then tried to run a marathon on Friday----Would you heal properly?...
Edit: And remember that if you look up the five stages of grief, they do not occur sequentially; and one is seldom finished before you skip to another one.
This post was edited by tom jackson at January 31, 2018 11:00 PM MST
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Merlin 