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If you could only choose one, would you rather be cherished or respected? Why?

Posted - February 2, 2018

Responses


  • 10026
    How about being cherishly respected? 
    I would much rather be respected because I don't need people kneeling at me and thinking I am all "that."  I am not.  I am a good "Merlin" who does a lot of good and some bad too.  Just like you :)  We all need a little respect in our lives.   This post was edited by Merlin at February 2, 2018 3:00 PM MST
      February 2, 2018 12:53 PM MST
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  • 7939
    I was reading something from a psychologist who writes on relationships, and she said that all relationships require one party to have female energy and the other to have masculine energy. Either person can have either energy, but if they fight for the same one, the relationship is destined to fail. So, going by that premise, the female energy should aim to be cherished for feelings and the masculine energy should aim to be respected for thoughts. 
      February 2, 2018 3:07 PM MST
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  • 10026
    It's those "shouldas, wouldas, and couldas," that get me every time! Big winks and smiles!
     The yin and the yang may come into play here too.  Since we all have both maybe we could start by cherishing and respecting ourselves.  Then, others might follow suit?! :)
      February 2, 2018 3:41 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Ah, sounds like you could have been the one to write the book! 
      February 2, 2018 3:59 PM MST
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  • 6098
    Which, respectfully, is nonsense.  Like somehow each partner is not capable of thoughts and feelings?  And oh since when was it "female" not to think or "male" not to feel?  
      February 4, 2018 10:13 AM MST
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  • 14795
    There is nothing like a good ole cherishing to make my cheeks glow red.......and I sincerely respect those that cherish me properly........  Lol
      February 2, 2018 1:16 PM MST
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  • 7939
    That's actually the premise of it- this came from a psychologist I was reading- that there must be one of each in a relationship- a cherished one and a respected one. The respected one will cherish the other, provided s/he feels respected. 
      February 2, 2018 3:09 PM MST
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  • 14795
    I'm doted on if ever I'm the tiniest bit unwell....but I'm  always a bit stroppy and extreamly cheeky in a very respectful way I think...
     Life is pretty good and if I feel neglected I kind of kick up a tiny bit.....we all know our pecking order though and it's both nice and satisfying all rolled into one ...lol
      February 2, 2018 5:52 PM MST
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  • 44619
    Maybe that's my problem...I feel neither.
      February 3, 2018 6:49 AM MST
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  • 5835
    Most people don't know what respect means. They assume it is a function of firepower. 

    Very few people know what cherish means either. So your question has two big holes in it.
      February 2, 2018 1:49 PM MST
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  • 7939
    The question said "you." Ergo, I'm not concerned about "most people." There are no holes in the question unless you can't define value to either of the terms. 
      February 2, 2018 3:10 PM MST
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  • 5835
    I'm still looking for somebody who treats me as if I were real.
      February 2, 2018 5:56 PM MST
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  • 44619
    If I cherish you, my Princess, does that not also mean I respect you. I believe it does. Does't work the other way around, though.
      February 2, 2018 2:16 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Ooh... That would be the question of the day, dear knight. I'm playing with something a psychologist said, and if her concept is right, then you don't respect me... not as an equal. By that premise, you should, however, cherish me as someone you value and want to look out for. The logic was that the masculine energy, if respected, will always default to protective mode in the presence of a feminine energy. 

    I may not be explaining it well... because it sounds very sexist- her theory was that either the male or the female could have either energy, but for a relationship to work, there must be both energies and each one must stick to his or her role- the respected or the cherished. And, while most women do want to be respected- particularly intelligent career women- the psychologist said most women, if given the choice, will choose to be cherished for their virtue and heart over respected for their accomplishments and leadership, whereas men would feel the opposite. I'm curious to know if she's right.

    Thank you for your wonderful answer. :)
      February 2, 2018 3:21 PM MST
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  • 7280
    After that psychologist finishes his analysis, I hope he includes a synthesis...

    All humans have both female and male hormones, and the need to be both respected and cherished exists in both genders and each waxes and wanes...

    I like CS Lewis's comment: "Male and female are biological life'0 participation in that greater polarity of the universe---masculine and feminine."

    (And that it was not for nothing that sailors assigned feminine gender to their ships.) 

    But to answer your question,  I would rather be respected (admired) for cause than cherished for any reason.
      February 2, 2018 4:12 PM MST
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  • 7939
    She included that in her work. ;)

    https://www.drpatallen.com/ 

     I actually came across something she said in a search I ran for an unrelated topic, and then ended up buying the book because the concepts outlined intrigued me. Don't judge. lol

    But, yeah, the whole last chapter of the book talks about how the dynamics change later in life due to hormones, and she also covers that either party can take either role, and can even divvy things up by area of life, but the main point was that couples can't bring forth the same energy in any given circumstance or it doesn't work. I guess, to simplify, one must always lead and the other follow, or one must be the giver and the other the take. To each, she assigns an energy, either masculine or feminine. I wouldn't be surprised if most people with lengthy and happy marriages agree, though I'm probably not doing her work justice at all with my explanation. 
      February 2, 2018 5:53 PM MST
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  • 6098
    But isn't that so obvious?  I do my husband's feet so he will release tension and feel good.  He does mine so I will do the same.  Like the old song goes "I give to you and you give to me...".
      February 4, 2018 10:25 AM MST
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  • 6477
    Can't I have both? If I had to choose then I take respect.. just because...  Seriously, I really don't like it when I feel I am not respected whereas I can accept that there are more than a few people out there who don't cherish me
      February 2, 2018 2:22 PM MST
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  • 7939
    You only get one! 
    Respect, it is. :)
      February 2, 2018 3:21 PM MST
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  • 6098
    Guess I would go for the respect as my husband already cherishes me. 
      February 2, 2018 2:48 PM MST
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  • 7939
    Hmm... That sounds like you're saying both. You only get one. If you had to choose between him respecting you or cherishing you, which would it be?
      February 2, 2018 3:22 PM MST
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  • 6098
    But it is what it is regardless of what you may choose to call it.  I would say I am doing pretty well to be both cherished and respected. One or the other. Everything else is just a silly game which I won't play because it doesn't seem to lead anywhere good. 
      February 4, 2018 10:15 AM MST
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  • Cherished. That too, is a form of lasting respect because you're not going to disrespect anyone you happen to cherish.
      February 2, 2018 2:51 PM MST
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  • 7939
    That is a fair point. I wonder if that's what Element meant too. 
    Good answer, thanks. 
      February 2, 2018 3:23 PM MST
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