1.MEN ARE NOT MIND READERS.
1. LEARN TO WORK THE TOILET SEAT.
YOU’RE A BIG GIRL. IF IT’S UP, PUT IT DOWN.
WE NEED IT UP, YOU NEED IT DOWN.
YOU DON’T HEAR US COMPLAINING ABOUT YOU LEAVING IT DOWN.
1. WHEN WE WATCH TV IT’S NO TALK ZONE. IT’S LIKE THE FULL MOON OR THE CHANGING OF THE TIDES.
LET IT BE.
1. SHOPPING IS NOT A SPORT.
AND NO, WE ARE NEVER GOING TO THINK OF IT THAT WAY.
1. CRYING IS BLACKMAIL.
1. ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. LET US BE CLEAR ON THIS ONE:
SUBTLE HINTS DO NOT WORK!
STRONG HINTS DO NOT WORK!
OBVIOUS HINTS DO NOT WORK!
JUST SAY IT!
1. YES AND NO ARE PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE ANSWERS TO ALMOST EVERY QUESTION. KEEP IT SHORT
1. COME TO US WITH A PROBLEM ONLY IF YOU WANT HELP SOLVING IT. THAT’S WHAT WE DO.
SYMPATHY IS WHAT YOUR GIRLFRIENDS ARE FOR.
1. A HEADACHE THAT LASTS FOR 3 MONTHS EVERY NIGHT IS A PROBLEM. SEE A DOCTOR. FAST.
1. ANYTHING WE SAID 6 MONTHS AGO IS INADMISSIBLE IN AN ARGUMENT. IN FACT, ALL COMMENTS WE MADE BECOME NULL AND VOID AFTER 2 DAYS.
1. IF YOU WON’T DRESS LIKE THE VICTORIA ‘S SECRET GIRLS WHILE YOU GETTING IN BED, DON’T EXPECT US TO ACT LIKE SOAP OPERA GUYS AND. SWEAT PANTS ARE NOT A TURN ON. UNLESS THEY ARE REALLY TIGHT.
1. IF YOU THINK YOU’RE FAT, YOU PROBABLY MADE UP YOUR MIND ALREADY. DON’T ASK US.
1. IF SOMETHING WE SAID CAN BE INTERPRETED TWO WAYS AND ONE OF THE WAYS MAKES YOU SAD OR ANGRY, WE MEANT THE OTHER ONE
1. YOU CAN EITHER ASK US TO DO SOMETHING
OR TELL US HOW YOU WANT IT DONE.
NOT BOTH. IF YOU ALREADY KNOW BEST HOW TO DO IT, JUST DO IT YOURSELF.
1. WHENEVER POSSIBLE, PLEASE SAY WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY DURING COMMERCIALS.
1. CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS DID NOT NEED DIRECTIONS AND NEITHER DO WE.
1. ALL MEN SEE IN ONLY 16 COLORS, LIKE MICROSOFT WINDOWS DEFAULT SETTINGS. PEACH, FOR EXAMPLE, IS A FRUIT, NOT A COLOR. PUMPKIN IS ALSO A FRUIT. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT MAUVE IS.
1. IF IT ITCHES, IT WILL BE SCRATCHED.
WE DO THAT.
1. IF WE ASK WHAT IS WRONG AND YOU SAY “NOTHING,” WE WILL ACT LIKE NOTHING’S WRONG.
WE KNOW YOU ARE LYING, BUT IT IS JUST NOT WORTH THE HASSLE.
1. IF YOU ASK A QUESTION YOU DON’T WANT AN ANSWER TO, EXPECT AN ANSWER YOU DON’T WANT TO HEAR.
1. WHEN WE HAVE TO GO SOMEWHERE, ABSOLUTELY ANYTHING YOU WEAR IS FINE. REALLY.
1. Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, FOOD or VACATION.
1. Sad to say but WE REALLY DON’T CARE about what’s happening to your girlfriend love life. As long as you’re happy with your it’s all we need to hear.
1. YOU HAVE ENOUGH CLOTHES.
1. YOU HAVE TOO MANY SHOES.
Shuhak 