The easiest kind of cult to start is an internet cult. First we'll need to make something up and then throw in a lot of pseudo-science to back up our claims. If we do it right we'll have lots of adoring followers who'll go to other websites and attack everyone who doesn't believe what we made up.
I can't think of anything to make up so I'm hoping you have some good ideas.
Tilde-obssession is NOT a real mental disorder! The government has been lying to the people about this for years! No one should ever be bullied, ostracized, black-listed, jailed or banished because of it! Film at eleven!
(Oh, wait. That's a conspiracy theory. Never mind.) ~
Randy? Randy? I'm concerned about you. Someone bring him inside and give him lots of water. Also, keep him in a cool place and don't give him any solid foods no matter how many times he asks for a sandwich!
You need to learn how to make sandwiches with lo GI bread.....plus how to serve in correctly....Don't worry.....I will provide a cushion to kneel on ....:)D
Wait, shouldn't you be running for the loo before you have to tinkle? And why would you call for me anyway? I'm certainly not going to be any good to you in there.