If even you don’t like yourself, why would anyone else? Friends come and go, but new ones are made on mutual respect, which is inclusive of a good measure of self-respect.
Probably, I'd choose to like myself. I have to live with me full time, whereas others (hubby excepted) are only around for a few hours at a time. I can change myself, but others cannot change me, nor I them.
At first, I found this question quite shocking.
I've been assuming for a long time that if one likes oneself, others will unconsciously recognize it, feel comfortable in response and be more inclined to also like one. But on second thoughts, that's possibly only a superficial response on first acquaintance. Other factors probably come into play soon after, such as whether there are shared interests, activities, and values.
I've also assumed that if someone does not like her (or himself), others will feel ill at ease around her and thus tend to avoid her. I see this happen in a variety of ways. Someone has some trait that they feel embarrassed about; they're convinced that all others would find it unacceptable: they act accordingly, and lo and behold, it becomes a reality-creating thought. Or someone thinks they are unlikeable and tries to overcompensate by boasting a lot, hoping others will respect, admire and like them - and it backfires by creating repugnance.
But then I remembered Thomas Harris's I'm OK: you're OK. He explained various sets of unconscious behaviors. He described case histories of four types of people: those who think they are not OK and neither is anyone else, people who think they're OK while all others are not, others who believe they are not OK while all others are, and finally, those who believe they are OK and so is everyone else. He showed how the first three lead to miserable lives, and sometimes criminality. He asserted that the healthiest way to be is the last of these - and suggested that anyone can learn to become this last. He did not discuss the larger social or historical issues of humankind and its tendencies in general.
I believe most of us are a mix of traits we like and others we wish we could minimize or delete, but the cocktails of which traits predominate varies so much between individuals that it's more a matter of finding compatibility.
I really hope there never would or could be a circumstance in which anyone would be forced to choose between such horrible options.
This post was edited by inky at October 9, 2018 8:11 AM MDT
Others disliking me hands down. I take care to tend to my view of myself in a positive way. If I dont, I have to live with what I have made a reality in my own mind, and suffer the consequences if that view is not a positive one.
inky 