I don’t think we are qualified to diagnose the complex family dynamic at play here, unless we can know the other side of the story. 

I do think an honest self-assessment is in order.
If you really want the answer, ask your brothers. 

The only way you are going to find out is by picking up the phone and asking.  Don't demote spending time with your friend and her family, sometimes friends become your family, not by birth, but by choice.  Place value on those who place it on you, and then you may come to appreciate those people a lot more.

oh here we go again.  EVERY YEAR.  HOW DO I know?  

Ask them Better still, find your own family. They are useless.  

Try going to a kitchen and help other people who have no where to go and serve them. Make yourself useful and make some real friends. That family of yours doesn't care so why do you?  They aren't family if they act like that.

Time to move on and make yourself happy,.

It's probably because your sister-in-law only wants HER family around.  We haven't seen my son or our two (last I heard) gtrandchildren in many years because his wife only wants her family around.  I've had many in-laws and step-relatives.  That's just how they are sometimes.

It's good to see you here again, Pearl.

I suggest you ring your brother and ask him. He's the only one that knows.
There are often tensions in families that go way back to childhood jealousies.
Or sometimes the different characters are just chalk and cheese; they have different personalities and values and just don't get along.
But there could be old resentments that you might know nothing about - misunderstandings perhaps never mentioned.
If that's the case, with great delicacy and skill it might be possible to resolve them.

You could ask him to bring his family to visit you for Thanksgiving next year.
If you don't have space at your place, it could be held in a restaurant. Or if that's too expensive try a park with a BBQ for warmth.
Or you could ring your sister and ask to share Thanksgiving with her.

I have no family. My parents are dead. Mum was an only child. Dad's older sisters are also long dead.
I have a sister from whom I am estranged by my choice. She has severe Borderline Personality Disorder.
My husband and I never had children. With the way global warming is going, we are now immensely grateful for that. I would have been in deepest grief if I knew my children would have to suffer the fate that is soon coming to us all.

In Australia, almost no-one celebrates Thanksgiving.
It's late spring here, only a few days before the start of summer. No one wants to pig out on a huge feast of hot, rich foods. We want salads, cold soups, things that are light, easy and casual.

But I do have a circle of friends whom I see, usually one on one. That more than satisfies my social needs.

Think about what family means to you. What need would closeness with them fulfil?
In what other ways could you get that same need met?

Others here have made some very constructive suggestions.


This post was edited by inky at November 30, 2019 10:30 AM MST

  There's absolutely no way any of us on here could answer this accurately.  We'd only be guessing if we tried to pinpoint a reason/the reasons.

If you truly want answers, ask your siblings themselves.  If you're just venting, then direct answers are less important to you than seeking a sounding board. You may not have a close relationship with them, but I bet you know them better than any of us know them.
~

Madame Livvie doesn't have her crystal ball so she can't really tell you exactly why so just regular Livvie will have to try to help you out with this one.



How is your relationship with your brothers the rest of the year?  If you're not communicating with them the rest of the year then there's the problem but if you do stay in touch with them then it's probably something else.  You do have to maintain those family relationships.

Did they invite you over for holidays in the past but suddenly stop?  If they did invite you over in the past did you accept their invitations?  If not they probably gave up because they just figured you were never coming again but if you were going over to their houses for holiday dinners but they suddenly stopped inviting you were there any other changes in their lives?  If the answer is yes that might be the reason but if the answer is no then there might be a problem in your relationship with them but you're going to have to talk it over with them.

Sometimes it's pretty easy to upset family members and get permabanned from holiday dinners at their house because sometimes DNA is really the only thing you have in common with them and they see things so differently from you that conflict is just going to happen and there's nothing you can really do about it.  It's just that in my case I know exactly why my husband and I got permabanned from Uncle Bob's holiday dinners along with his own daughter and her spouse but that's just due to a difference in family values and there's not a whole lot anyone can really do about it so yeah, just going to have to talk it over with your brothers, that's all.


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