Discussion » Questions » Humor and Jokes » And now its time for the talent portion of our answerMug competition. How will you impress us? What's your awe-inspiring shtick?

And now its time for the talent portion of our answerMug competition. How will you impress us? What's your awe-inspiring shtick?

Posted - December 18, 2019

Responses


  • 4624

    Word Wine

     

    Some days, I just don’t feel like cooking.

    Somehow, I’ve let pantry and fridge run low.

    Nothing right is there — I must make do.

    It will be nutritious, 

    but the result, oh, the result.

    What work it is to chew --

    to ignore the slightly off flavours,

    and make myself swallow

    the truth.

     

    A book of poems mellows 

    and grows richer with the years.

    The sweet grape ferments 

    to the dry of wine,

    thick and smooth as velvet,

    berry and cinnamon savours of a black sauvignon,

    luscious!

    I find I am drunk with words.

     

    Cabbage stowed airless with salt 

    turns delectably sour.

    Cream, with patience, churns to butter.

    The point of a word

    turns upon itself in a sentence

    to reveal another sense.

     

    With five knives kept ultra-sharp,

    the right knife will 

    skin, slice, core, julienne or chop

    precisely.

    Dripping in slippery dressing, raw,

    or simmered to subtle brew —

    texture calls attention,

    just as words trigger feelings and thought.

     

    And then, other days, 

    the garden yields such harvest 

    the herbs and spices sing, and then

    the syllable is to poetry 

    as the molecule to perfume. 

    And the new poem is fit for a dish

    to set before the Belovéd.

     

    200 words @ 129 bpm = 1.666 mins / 1â…” minutes

    © Manna Hart, Tyalgum, Jan 2019

      December 18, 2019 3:24 PM MST
    6

  • 14795
    I have a thing about razor sharp knives to...blunt ones are far more dangerous ...
      December 18, 2019 3:55 PM MST
    4

  • 44614
    I shudder...women with knives.
      December 18, 2019 4:31 PM MST
    4

  • 14795
    Just be careful with what you say and you will always be safe papa ...;) 
      December 18, 2019 5:24 PM MST
    3

  • 4624
    My knives have only ever been used to cut veggies, cheeses and eggs.

    Woops! Not quite true.
    Once I tried to prepare a meal without wearing my glasses.
    Sliced off the tip of my middle finger and the nail.
    It was over before I felt the effects and saw the blood.
    It's grown back now, but the nerve took over two years to return to normal.
    Now I keep my fingertips curled under when preparing food.
      December 19, 2019 1:49 AM MST
    2

  • 14795
    I always use and wash them straight away and put them away each time I use them....never ever do I leave them on the side or in washing water with other things that need washing....they are never put in the disk washer or any other person come to that....
    My biggest fear is some fool making sudden noises while you are concentrating while slicing foods...you be supprised at how many people think it's funny or have not taken notice of what I'm doing....
    There are safe ways like you e found out to use any tool more safely...It has to be a habit you don't ever stop doing ,plus never walk away from your knives and just leave them lying on any surface....
      December 19, 2019 2:50 AM MST
    1

  • 44614
    Nice.
      December 18, 2019 4:30 PM MST
    4

  • 4624
    Thank you! :)
      December 19, 2019 1:49 AM MST
    2

  • 11108
    With my chainsaw I'll carve a 30 foot Totem pole with the likeness of AM members then I'll erect it with a simple pulley system. Cheers1
      December 18, 2019 3:48 PM MST
    5

  • 14795
    I will inspire you all with my wits and puns ,or other things that rhyme with them...:)
      December 18, 2019 4:08 PM MST
    5

  • 44614
    My talents have waned too much. I become less witty by the day. I once was very athletic in all sports I played. I could woo the panties off of most women I met. I like to blow stuff up. (You saw the video). I can still do basic math in my head.
      December 18, 2019 4:35 PM MST
    5

  • 14795
    I use to blow up balloons when I was a kid to and when I got older I got my hands on some bigger bangers of my own :(
      December 18, 2019 5:19 PM MST
    3

  • 46117
    If you wish I can show you how to massage your partner and that kind of stuff.   What hurts?  I have an answer.   This post was edited by WM BARR . =ABSOLUTE TRASH at December 19, 2019 5:04 AM MST
      December 18, 2019 4:47 PM MST
    4

  • 44614
    My ego hurts.
      December 18, 2019 7:50 PM MST
    1

  • 4624
    I pulled something in my lower back this morning - left side of sacrum.
    Was shovelling mulch for the honey garden. Had done three barrow loads and had just started on the fourth. The load was not heavy. Had not been feeling any strain. And then suddenly, YOW!!!
    Am now hobbling around like someone of 80 or 90.
    I doubt that I've done any permanent damage. Most likely just need to let the body do it's natural healing.
      December 19, 2019 1:54 AM MST
    0

  • 10026
    Good Morning~ Have you ever heard of using egg yolks and Turmeric as a cure for sprained ankles?

    I kid you not.  Going to an AT&T store, late at night, or anytime, for that matter, has never been my choice of stops, when seeking medical help.
    MY BIG Mistake.
    This AT&T employee had many hidden talents.  He married Don's new X1 iphone with his sim card.  We had rice to throw but it wasn't a wet table so no need for the rice.

    We had a funeral for his old iphone.  May "Tiddly" rest in peace.

    We had the birth of this new phone!  Yippppeee! We did engage in cigars and champagne.

    Then, to top off our already packed array of ceremonies, we received some medical advice for Don!

    As we were engaging in dance and song about the birth of his new phone, I mentioned to our fearless AT&T employee that Don had sprained his ankle on his job recently and was having difficulty dancing.
    He quickly passed on this helpful cure.  He said to use 2 or 3 egg yolks and Tumeric, whip them together and wrap his ankle overnight, covering it with gauze.  By morning his ankle will feel much better.
    I am eager to try it.  I'll try anything to make him feel better and ease the pain.  Do you think there might be truth to this serum? 
    I respect your knowledge on subjects like this. Do you think it is worth a try? I'm guessing it can't hurt.  Why would this work, anyway?

    Thanks, in advance! It's 4:46 am right now.  A bit early for anyone around the world to be up.  But, I'd love to hear what you think when you have a chance! :):)


    Last night we went to ATT to have Don's new X1 phone and sim 
    As we sat there, watching the passing of his old phone, (moment of silence, please,)  and the birth of his new phone, (Yippeeee!) I was able to change the conversation from the life-cycle of iphones to human healing.


      December 19, 2019 5:57 AM MST
    2

  • 19937
    I can wiggle my ears.
      December 18, 2019 6:50 PM MST
    3

  • 2836
    Guess what I can wiggle 
    lol
      December 18, 2019 7:41 PM MST
    5

  • 4624
    Luckie Goatie. :)
      December 19, 2019 1:55 AM MST
    1

  • 19937
    Hmmm ... what could that be????
      December 19, 2019 5:20 AM MST
    1

  • 2836
    I have the uncanny knack for being able to make culinary delights out of leftovers


      December 18, 2019 7:46 PM MST
    4

  •   December 18, 2019 8:00 PM MST
    2

  • 23577
    (Like I've said before, if this handsome guy had come up to me at a bar and we talked and he asked me to leave with him, I most likely would have, especially based on video interviews I've seen -- he had a very quiet and unassuming way of talking which I found attractive.)


    This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at December 18, 2019 11:22 PM MST
      December 18, 2019 8:47 PM MST
    1

  • 1817
    fitting my whole fist in my mouth 
      December 18, 2019 8:35 PM MST
    3