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Hey, wait! That’s the wrong idea! I want to leave here WALKING!
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
Great advice, I’m sure it leads to the exits. Thank you, Thriftymaid!
Wow, that’s strange; the bright lights faded quickly, everything suddenly got all smoky and has a reddish hue. And what’s that odor? Something’s burning, it smells like sulphur. Yuck. Why is it so hot here, and I’m beginning to hear screaming sounds. There’s only one escalator, and it’s going down. Oh, well, maybe the exits are on the basement level, so I guess I’d better take it. After all, Thriftymaid wouldn’t steer me wrong, would she?
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I know, right? I blame Thriftymaid. Did you know they don‘t even serve sandwiches down here? Grrrrrrr.
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Great idea, thank you.
Hold on, for some strange reason, I can’t seem to get the lid open! It’s sealed tight, I can’t lift it! They’ve already nailed it shut! Wait, what’s this? I’ve found a note, let me see if I can read it . . .
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“Good afternoon, Miss, my name is Randolph D Randall, and I’m calling to report an international crime, have I reached the correct number for that? Good, thank you, you’re very kind. Yes, that’s right. Yes. Yes. Well, unfortunately, I am the victim, or to be more accurate, the intended victim. It was equally hard for me to believe too! Sure, it’s spelled R-a-n-d-a-l-l. My goodness, Miss, you sure have an interesting accent, may I ask where you’re from, please? Hmmm, very nice, very nice indeed. No, I’ve never been there, at least not yet, not until you invite me and offer me a one-on-one tour. I’m sorry, yes, we‘ll stick to the purpose for my call. Attempted murder. Yes, I’m quite serious! Thank you, thank you, I’m fine now after having recovered fully, so the first order of business is that I want to see this menace caught and held responsible before he can harm others. Me? I’m in the United States of America, the suspect is in Australia, and his weapon of choice is manufactured there too. Evidence, you asked? I have record of him referring to disappointment at not getting me this time. Sure, he pretended he knew it wasn’t deadly, but you haven’t seen the quantities they put in there. Oh, yes, I do believe he’ll try again. Not only that, it’s not the first time, either. By the way, Miss, are you married or seeing anyone? No, no, just curious, idle curiosity, that’s all. Oh, that’s a shame. It’s always difficult when an engagement falls through. Oh, yes, youre right, where were we? It was Vegemite. He either did it himself or he had it slipped into my bacon and cheddar on pumpernickel. Listen, any chance they can serve him nothing but peanut butter and American beer once he’s incarcerated in the Australian prison system? Ok, I see, you’re absolutely correct, I am getting way ahead of myself. Miss, I’m sorry, I’ll let the investigation run its course. Sure, sure, I’ll start at the beginning. How’s that? Oh, thank you very much, I think your grammar is also impeccable, it’s a pleasure speaking with you. Do you do any singing? No, it’s just that you have this lovely lilt on your voice that . . . wait, there I go again, sorry. You asked me when everything started, didn’t you? Ok, it was just two weeks ago. Monday, January 11th. The Bi-Annual Worldwide Tilde Convention took place in Canberra this year, and I booked a luxury suite near the sandwich shop for the entire eight-day event. No, I wasn’t alone, a few of my er, um, my female ‘associates’ were traveling with me . . . ”
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Echooos 