Did you try backing up and moving forward?
Listen, take my name off of that list! I called dibs on steering, I’m already behind the wheel, so all the other guys have to get out and push!
~
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“Cargo ship”? What cargo ship? No, I didn’t jump ship, I’m not on unapproved shore leave, you must have me confused with some other guy. Excuse me, but I haven’t the foggiest idea what you’re talking about; I’ve been on this beach with this beautiful lady since sunrise.
~
Lead Investigator: “The majority of the fingerprints we’ve identified all come back as belonging to one “Livvie”, which is most likely an alias, but she has several convictions on record. She claimed she was settling down, starting a family, going straight, just like they all say.”
Chief Prosecutor: “Wait, that sounds familiar! We have an informant who gave her name as being part of a fake restraining order scam! They’re paying judges under the table to sign restraining orders even when there’s little or no evidence against the accused.”
Lead Investigator: “I’ll have a couple of officers go pick her up and brought in for questioning. Better yet, looking at her file, I’ll send a SWAT Team; she’s a fighter. By the way, who’s the informant this time? Are you still relying on Randy D?”
Chief Prosecutor: “Of course I am. That guy’s street cred and knowledge of criminal activity is so accurate that we never lose a case when we follow his tip-offs. It’s uncanny, almost as if he has a gift that lets him think just like these thugs. I’m just glad he’s on our side, lol!”
~
Threatening a witness! Threatening a witness! Threatening a witness! Witness intimidation, witness tampering, she’s up to her old tricks, she hasn’t changed a bit! You all heard her! CITIZEN’S ARREST! CITIZEN’S ARREST! I’m calling the prosecutor’s office and requesting a protective detail! I’ll be put up in a five-star hotel with an attractive detective who won’t be able to keep her hands off of me!
(You know, this might actually work out in my favor!)
~
1. Levitation as performed by master magicians
2. Tomorrow is Saturday; announce a weekend garage sell sale with cutthroat prices for all the cargo and all parts of the ship that aren’t welded down, as the displacement decreases, affix enormous wings on either side of the hull and fly that baby out of there
3. Hire the engineers who dig smuggling tunnels for criminal cartels, create a trench at a sloping angle descending from the ship to open sea and then flood it so that baby can be floated out of there
4. Have Bruce Willis assemble a crew, they attach large NASA-style rocket boosters around the ship and shoot it straight up to satellite level or asteroid level
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Ok, I’ll take the job, just as long as you assure me that there won’t be any distractions that could keep me from focusing . . . well, one distraction is no problem, I can still function.
I’ll just go to the other side of the ship. Oh, wait a second . . .
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There was absolutely NO WAY that I could let that error stand. Grrrrrrrr.
:(
I’ll take care of this.
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amber 