That depends on how many of them I would have to “service” every night after lights out has been sounded. I’m sure they’d have me worn out in under a month. (Cough, cough.)
“And now turning to national news. Due to an administrative quirk, a California man was mistakenly incarcerated in the woman’s women's section of the state prison. The error was not immediately discovered, in fact, it appears that weeks went by before authorities were alerted that he was there, his frail and spent body a mere shell of the vibrant and virile specimen he had once been. The female inmates had not had male companionship for quite some time prior to his arrival, so they hushed up his presence and subjected him to nightly rounds of ribaldry and lust-driven shenanigans that would make even hard-core vice officers blush. The man was interviewed by prison staff after being “rescued”, but refused to name any culprit or culprits who participated in the nocturnal activities. The medical ward of the prison had him on an IV to replenish him from his emaciated state, but movement to the men’s section is delayed until doctors say he can take it. In a strange twist to this story, he actually requested to be nursed back to health right where he is and then sent directly to the same cellblock where the events took place. He harbors no ill will against any of the women, on the contrary, he seems to have some favorites among them and would like to continue as before. The women prisoners have begun a petition requesting his return also, backed up by an ACLU letter to the warden and the governor outlining prisoners’ rights. A Go-Fund-Me account has also been started, as the man cites specific massage oils and smoking jackets and other items he needs in order to fully express himself. Outside the prison, throngs of women have applied to visit him, and the prison mail room had to open a special receiving desk for all the mail that is being sent to him. A reality TV producer has approached the governor’s office to pitch an idea for a new series.
“Meanwhile, federal prosecutors have ordered the shutdown of a criminal hideout in the Colorado Rockies that was put into operation by a queenpin from the Dakotas. Information is sketchy at the moment, but the charges revolve around a cross-country harassment and stalking case in which the woman chartered crop dusters and had them spray liquified guacamole mixed with Vegemite over her adversary’s property every few days for a month. When he was forced to flee, he found his vehicle interior completely filled with expired, rancid mayonnaise. Taunting letters rife with intentionally erred grammar were sent to the man, but authorities doubt she is the only suspect on that portion of the case.
On the sports scene . . . “
~
Honey Dew 