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Danilo_G
Element 99
Malizz
ENG / LLVF - formerly of AB
Discussion » Questions » Humor and Jokes » Have you ever given any of these a thought?

Have you ever given any of these a thought?

Things to ponder:
*How come wrong numbers are never busy?
*Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
*Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
*Does killing time damage eternity?
*Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
*Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
*Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
*Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
*Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
*Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
*Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
*Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
*Do pilots take crash courses?
*Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
*Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?
*Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
*Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
*How can there be self-help "groups"?
*How do you get off a non-stop flight?
*How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
*If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
*If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
*If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
*If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
*If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
*If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
*If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
*Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
*Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
*Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
*Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Posted - September 2, 2022

Responses


  • 44221
    How does one person think of so many interesting thoughts.

    Why is brassiere singular and pants plural?
    Why is there an interstate highway in Hawai'i?
    Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
      September 2, 2022 10:15 AM MDT
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  • 2709
    Thanks for adding to the list. :)
      September 2, 2022 11:40 AM MDT
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  • 22896
    :)
    :)
      September 2, 2022 11:30 PM MDT
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  • 52926


    Those are great!  May I add some, please?


    *”Peeve” is an outstanding name for a pet, right?

    *Since the hair on our heads is actually dead, how do cosmetic and toiletry companies get away with selling us “hair food”?

    *Is it possible to be too tired to sleep?

    *Why do some works of art depict Adam and Eve with navels?

    *In those societies or cultures where some people only have one name, is it a first name, a middle name, or a last name?

    *What would a chair look like if our knees bent the other way?

    *Why are there signs that read: “Illiterate? Classes begin every month, just call this number”?

    *Why do so many people refer to a cow as being a male animal? The word actually means female!

    *Did you know that throughout your entire life, your thumb is the exact perfect size to fit snugly into your nostril?

    *Doesn’t it seem to be a little backward that a No-Tell Motel is for an illicit rendezvous, but the supposedly classier establishment is called a hotel?

    *Technically, don’t you really unpeel a banana (and other fruits)?

    *Modern day phones don’t have any type of dial, so why do some of us still say that’s what we do when we call a number?

    *Why isn’t a stand-alone house called a uniplex?

    *A pair of shoes or boots or socks are two separate items, so why are one-item pants also called a pair?

    *I said to myself and I asked myself, “Why do some people say, ‘I thought to myself’; they can say to another person or ask another person, but it’s not as if they can think to another person!”

    *Are you one of the people who read this list and put your thumb into your nostril to see if it is true?

    ~

      September 2, 2022 10:38 AM MDT
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  • 22896
    Fun. :)
      September 2, 2022 11:30 PM MDT
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  • 2709
    Yes you may, and yes, I did!
      September 2, 2022 11:40 AM MDT
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  • 52926
      September 2, 2022 1:18 PM MDT
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  • 10464

    Call it having too much time on my hands, but yes I have -


    How come wrong numbers are never busy?  Since they’re wrong, the SPAM callers don’t know about them yet.

    Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?  Not any more.   Finders keepers!

    Does killing time damage eternity?  We don’t know, as no time has ever come back from the dead to tell us.

    Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?  Due to an unpublicized “vine accident”, he isn't able to produce testosterone anymore.  (also explains his "high-pitched yell".) 

    Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?  If one couldn’t move their lips, it would be called lip stuck.

    Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?  No.  He just slipped them a dollar.

    How do you get off a non-stop flight?  Jump

    If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?  Yes.  That’s because it makes you spend a lot of time sitting in jail because the cops think you’re drunk.

    Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?   Simply because a child is mentally challenged doesn’t mean they aren’t able to run.  

    Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?  Marketing.  It seems nobody wanted to eat a bowl of “hot”.

    Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?  Because so many people are electing to stay home and watch the game that they can’t afford to pay the players the ridiculous salaries they’re demanding.

    Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?  The term is describing a driver’s heart rate and temper, not the flow of traffic.  (what is wrong with you idiots!  Don't make me take out my driving finger!)

      September 2, 2022 1:14 PM MDT
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  • 2709
    I LOVE this.  Thank you. :)
      September 2, 2022 3:44 PM MDT
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  • 22896
    Very good.  :)
      September 2, 2022 11:22 PM MDT
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  • 22896
    Woops -- I originally meant that reply for Shuhak but I'm with you, too.  :)

    I'll go tell Shuhak now.  :)
      September 2, 2022 11:29 PM MDT
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  • 22896
    Very good.  :)
      September 2, 2022 11:29 PM MDT
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  • 16238
    As far as the tool is concerned, I told my brother Phil that I was going to decapitate him and fill his skull with vodka and orange juice. A Philip's head screwdriver.
      September 2, 2022 3:31 PM MDT
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  • 2709
    Good one. :)
      September 2, 2022 3:44 PM MDT
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  • 22896
    Wow, everything here overwhelmed my current frame of mind.  :)

    Geez -- since being ten years old, I have had enough trouble trying to comprehend why "sunny, blue-sky, dry, hot" weather is the only kind of weather people consider "beautiful." 
      September 2, 2022 11:20 PM MDT
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