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Discussion » Questions » Relationships » When you were growing up, what rules or restrictions did your parent(s) have concerning you dating or having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

When you were growing up, what rules or restrictions did your parent(s) have concerning you dating or having a girlfriend/boyfriend?

 

  This is not just about your teenage years, it’s any time that you were a minor.

  In my upbringing and in my parents’ household, especially due to the times back then, it was unspoken yet truly understood that there wouldn’t be any such shenanigans nor any type of that nonsense going on, so don’t even entertain the thought. Heck, I was always the nerdy bookworm geek kid anyway, so I wasn’t really attracting anyone’s attention anyway.

  When I was between 8 and 13 years old (I can’t remember exactly when this happened), my younger brother “stole” two separate “girlfriends” from me on two separate occasions, and for more than a decade or two, it really bugged me.

  Caveat: they were two of the many girls whom I liked a whole lot, I had crushes on, I thought were very pretty, and had mutual feelings from them both before my brother happened along, but they were not truly girlfriends in the sense that we were going out or ever did anything together. It was more of an “announcement” type thing in the classroom as to who was paired with whom, so keep your grubby paws off! Obviously, my brother was oblivious to the social parameters. Grrrrrrr. 


~

Posted - September 24

Responses


  • 9322
    My parents were really never on the same page about that or much of anything else. I don't think it's a recommended style in any parenting books. Hehe. 

     


      September 24, 2022 9:47 AM MDT
    8

  • 50820

     

      Which side or sides of the issue did each of them take?
      ~

      September 24, 2022 11:55 AM MDT
    4

  • 9322
    It's complicated. 


      September 24, 2022 9:34 PM MDT
    3

  • 42856
    Mom didn't care and my stepfather was clueless. I had no restrictions.
      September 24, 2022 11:06 AM MDT
    8

  • 4757
    I didn’t have restrictions, but then again I really didn’t date in high school.  I just went to prom with my friends group.  The only thing my dad ever said about it was that I didn’t get dates in high school because I came on too strong and scared away the boys.

    My husband only mentioned his dating restrictions once.  He said he wasn’t allowed to go to parties, he wasn’t allowed to go on solo dates, double dates only, and then his mother complained about him being shy and introverted after putting those restrictions on him.

    It’s unlikely that my own kids will have a whole lot of dating restrictions and it’s likely they’ll be allowed to go to parties  when they’re teenagers.  I didn’t have those restrictions when I was a teenager and my husband’s pretty much committed to doing just about everything different than the way his own parents did.

    This post was edited by Livvie at October 24, 2022 11:15 PM MDT
      September 24, 2022 12:19 PM MDT
    7

  • 50820

     

      Was there ever any mention of the subject prior to your teen years, such as “You’re too young to be _____________________.”?
    ~

      September 24, 2022 12:30 PM MDT
    6

  • 4757

    Not really.  My dad made a couple of statements about it when I was thirteen or fourteen and that was it.  

    His first statement about boys was that there’s no “just friends”.  The two choices are yes and no, not “Let’s just be friends.” or “I like you as a brother.”.  

    The other statement he made about sex was that with boys, there are only two choices.  I could either be marriage material or I could be pump and dump, but I couldn’t be both and I couldn’t be pump and dump now and marriage material later.  He said the choice was mine.  

    So yeah, those are basically the only talks my dad had with me about sex and boys.  Mom never mentioned anything about it.

    This post was edited by Livvie at October 24, 2022 11:15 PM MDT
      September 24, 2022 1:09 PM MDT
    6

  • 1256
    My older brother retort: and only good women? Ar
    ound bbout seventy seven
    Good women? This post was edited by CosmicWunderkind at October 24, 2022 7:58 PM MDT
      September 24, 2022 1:48 PM MDT
    4

  • 16762
    No dating until I was 16, and even then my mother had to discuss it with his mother.
      September 24, 2022 2:37 PM MDT
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  • 30148
    I did not date much. I do not remember any rules other than curfew. 

      September 24, 2022 7:09 PM MDT
    8

  • 825
    Hey, Randy - so I was eating baked potatoes the other night, right, and one of the slices is longer than the others. So I bend it in half with my fork (it's not so crispy that it would snap), put a bit of sour cream in between these newly-formed buns (as we are wont to do; no subtext intended), and realize it's now like a warm potato-cheese sandwich. A very good one, at that. Then I wonder: "what kind of food (that one would usually like) would not taste good in a sandwich? Perhaps I should pose the question to the Mug?" However, to proceed with that would have been to intrude on the territory of a certain resident expert, which is why I write this kindly and respectfully to request that you do the honours, assuming the query has not already been formulated and concluded. Yours truly,-- 

    --Oh, and no, no rules or restrictions. But I could never imagine telling my parents much about what little dating I might muster (mmm mustard), or introducing a girl to either of them. Even today, I'd find it less than comfortable.
      September 25, 2022 4:47 AM MDT
    5

  • 15511
    When girlfriends visited, the bedroom door stayed open. Of course, the folks weren't home when she got pregnant.
      September 25, 2022 5:56 AM MDT
    8

  • 691
    The most important rule for me was to not get pregnant. The most important rule for my brother was to not make anyone pregnant. Also, we weren't allowed to date until we were 13. I didn't date much because I was a shy and awkward teenager. My brother was the opposite. I hated sitting next to my little brother's girlfriends at dinner. My father yelled at me because I told one of my brother's girlfriends that my brother was like a tomcat. 
      September 25, 2022 10:45 AM MDT
    7

  • 50820

     

    I like the tomcat remark, lol! 


    (It seems as if your father sided with your brother a lot, right?)
    ~

      October 23, 2022 8:30 AM MDT
    4

  • 691
    I thought my father sided with my brother a lot. My brother was always charming. He used his charm to stay out of trouble, but his charm had its limits. My father yelled at him when he set my Barbie house alight. He was playing fireman with his toy fire truck. Barbie survived the fire, but her left side never healed from the burns. That time, my father sided with me.
      October 24, 2022 8:11 PM MDT
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  • 50820

    This reminds me of something that happened when I was growing up.

      My elder sister is about 3 1/2 years my senior, and she had a Barbie doll. I had a G.I. Joe. I’m trying to remember the Barbie doll and whether or not she was Caucasian or Black, but I don’t remember at all. Knowing my mother and my family, however, I am sure she was Black. I do know that my G.I. Joe was not only the Black dude, but that he had that fuzzy beard and the short Afro. I’ve thought he was the coolest thing in the world! Back in those days, the G.I. Joe was a full-size action figure, not reduced to the four or five inches that he is today. Suffice it to say that her Barbie and my G.I. Joe were approximately the same height.

      One day when my sister wasn’t home, I went and got her Barbie, my G.I. Joe, took all their clothes off, and rubber banded them together in an awkward, stiff-armed embrace, complete with their expressionless faces, straight legs and smooth pelvises. When my sister got home and saw them, she exploded. She rescued her Barbie doll and took her away to be properly dressed once again.

      I can’t remember how old I was at the time, but I do know that I was much too young to know anything about sex. Of course, watching movies and television shows, I had an idea about hugging and kissing and intimacy and things like that, but I didn’t really know the ramifications of what these two naked figures really meant. My sister probably did. She didn’t rat me out, but she certainly made sure that I never had access to her Barbie again.

      I haven’t thought about this story in decades! For a moment here, I was considering bringing it up to my sister to see if she remembers, but fast forward to current times, she is an extremely devout religious person who rejects as much of secular life as she can. I don’t think it would be a good idea for me to bring this up to her. 
    ~

     
    This post was edited by Randy D at October 25, 2022 10:18 PM MDT
      October 24, 2022 10:13 PM MDT
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  • 9322
    Nice story! Too bad you can't reminisce with your sister about such tales! 

    My eldest son was very much into G.I. Joe, which is very funny, considering the man he has become. I'm going to have to remind him of that early obsession with G.I. Joe! Should be good for a laugh! 

      October 25, 2022 6:01 PM MDT
    1

  • 15511
    Store Santa to six-year-old: "And what would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"
    Kid: "A Barbie and a GI Joe."
    Santa: "Don't you mean a Barbie and a Ken?"
    Kid: "No, I want a GI Joe!"
    Santa: "But Barbie comes with Ken."
    Kid: "No, she comes with GI Joe. She only fakes it with Ken."
      October 25, 2022 7:28 PM MDT
    0