You hear Randy D has hurt himself in some way in the room next door. What would motivate you to get up and investigate?

Sorry for your loss. 

That’s sad. 

The cats were planning to kill you anyway. Cats are evil bastards.

 

  They are planning to take over the world some day, correct?
:(

 

  You weren’t aware that this is Chapter 2 of the story? In Chapter 1, Randolph D moved into the spare room at your place about a month ago.  (Don’t skip over all the good parts as this story unfolds   Grrrrrrr.)

 

~

The only "spare room" in this apartment is the hall closet where the hot water heater is. You would barely fit but certainly not that dresser you're wrapping. Oh, OK. I see. Chapter 1, Chapter 2, a fantasy in your own mind. So, when you moved into the hall closet, I hope you vacuumed it. I haven't done that in a couple of years (cough, cough).

 

  Hey, wait! I’m accustomed to more princely accommodations than that! Grrrrrrr.

~

Sorry, since you weren't invited, you get what you get. There's always the public laundry room across the hall, or I think there's a cubby closet downstairs under the stairwell (or perhaps it leads to a sub-basement). Absolutely no princely accommodations in this building.

 

  

  I’ll need to speak with management about this, please. Grrrrrrr.

  :(

No, I don't think you'll find anything that fancy in this building.

  Help, help me, help me!  Help! Somebody help get me out of here, please! Hurry before she gets back in here from her garden where she’s digging up the soil to make room for my carcass! Doesn’t anyone else think it’s suspicious to dig six feet deep and six feet long and then claim it’s for a flower bed? She’s been after me for years, it’s always been her plan to do me in! Hellllllllllllllp! Grrrrrrr.

Once the grave is filled, she could plant endangered plants on it to keep the cops from digging it up. Clever, eh?

 

  Et tu, Brutus? I never thought YOU would be her co-conspirator. Grrrrrrr.
~

OMG you really thought that one through, didn't ya. Lol  

 

  In legal circles, it’s called accessory to the fact. (Please report me as a missing person, and when the police ask if I have any known enemies . . . well, you know the long list of names to give to them. 

:(

I'm surprised you haven't been pilloried the town square. 

 

 Oh, believe me, it has almost happened a few times. I outran the mobs and throngs of women each time. 

~

You are so brave to fight them off like that. 

 

  I tell them, “I don’t want any trouble . . .”

  They usually go easy on me.
~

It must be your wonderful personality that changes their heart. 

 

  Er, um, thanks, but just between the two of us, I’m a little sick and tired of only being appreciated for my traits and characteristics; I happen to have a body, you know! Grrrrrrr.

 

~

[Edited to correct pluralization of one word.]

This post was edited by Randy D at March 6, 2023 11:47 AM MST