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Discussion » Questions » Emotions » Have you ever healed or moved on from feelings of low self confidence or inadequacy?
Baybreeze

Have you ever healed or moved on from feelings of low self confidence or inadequacy?

I never date, and feel so nervous to, because I feel men would see 'through' me to the broken person I feel inside... Yes I am kind, loving, patient, humorous, but I get anxiety, about people, cars, even people behind me :( I think, who would want to be with someone like that? I had a violent, abusive childhood and I'm trying so hard to move past feeling very broken or tainted. Have you ever moved past feeling inadequate, and feeling GOOD about you or who you are??

Posted - January 1, 2017
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Responses


  • 6988
    I  was a disaster as a young teen. I had a very athletic body but little confidence! I would not pursue any school sports, but rather chose to spend my after-school time delivering newspapers and making money. My newspaper route became the largest in the city. It was 7 miles long. I started saving money to buy a new motorcycle. After a few years, I began racing motorcycles. My first race was at a national AMA drag race. I won my class! After that, I had plenty of confidence in many of my activities, including da women!
      January 2, 2017 2:45 AM MST
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  • 22891
    ive never had the greatest  childhood myself and ive also never dated, my parents isolated us a lot so i never really learned to relate to people much, never had a boyfriend and guys wont ask me out, not sure why
      January 2, 2017 2:38 PM MST
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  • 1138
    It's ok friend... I'm sure you would be great on a date, or find someone who was a good friend that might lead to more :)  I think if we put ourselves in areas with more guys and be 'open', things are more favored!! I often have just declined men out of fear  :( Thinking 'who would want someone who is nervous about so many things, or has never had a bf?' But I think, deep down I feel , maybe SOME would  * huggg
      January 2, 2017 6:07 PM MST
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  • 7788
    Nope. There's no moving on from something like that. At least not for me.
      January 2, 2017 2:40 PM MST
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  • 1138
    Did you also experience abuse /feeling tainted ? The line you wrote, 'There's no moving on from something like that' felt sad to me, for me to believe that there is no moving on would be like saying to me, you'll never have love, or won't be capable of it etc.... (which Is actually what I've thought for so many years, hence no bf ) :/ 
    I think deep down, there just MAY be a way of moving on past abuse or bullying etc, but it takes dedication and REAL self love/acceptance... *hugg. I wish it for me and for you... I think it is possible- I'm working at it each day ....
      January 2, 2017 6:10 PM MST
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  • 23382
    Yes, I basically have.

    And I continue on the journey of self-acceptance and growth.
    I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD)  -  that can wreak some havoc in there. If you're unfamiliar with GAD, look it up a bit. I'm to the point I can laugh at myself about aspects of GAD. Humor and the ability to laugh at one's self helps me immensely
    :)

    But I see my worth for me -- and it's not based upon whether I'm dating someone.
    I've come to the point I'm basically good with myself - I find myself a kind funny person. I'm OK with that.

    Yes, and some of that self-worth is helped with supportive people in my life who understand where I've come from and how far I've come.

    Today is all we have - - be in it fully.
    (Yes, from personal experience, I know that is much easier said than done sometimes.)

    Be Well, Baybreeze ~
    WelbyQuentin
    :) This post was edited by WelbyQuentin at January 2, 2017 6:31 PM MST
      January 2, 2017 6:28 PM MST
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  • 7280
    As you are painfully aware, abusive childhoods are a very effective means of destroying a child's self esteem.

    You have value based on two realities---you have value just because you exist (just you as you are without any qualifications to meet, just because you were born).

    And #2, you have value because you have something to offer others. 

    Specifically, you mention that you are "kind, loving, patient, humorous"---all wonderful qualities and not all possessed by everybody.

    You need to become aware of your uniqueness and value and begin to own it.

    Also, you have a right to be angry with your parents.  You were worth much more than the way you were treated.  They hampered your normal development whether or not they did the best that they could.

    Heal first and then forgive them.

    Hang in there, you can overcome even the childhood that you were subjected too, but be aware you may need some professional help.

    Counseling could be invaluable to you if you choose to pursue it.
      January 2, 2017 6:46 PM MST
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