Discussion » Questions » Human Behavior » I told a bit of a white lie to my mife. Would you please let me know if you think I was wrong? Here is the situation.
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I told a bit of a white lie to my mife. Would you please let me know if you think I was wrong? Here is the situation.

She is afraid of bees, and said she saw Carpenter bees under our pool deck. She won't go under it to look. They scrape small holes for a nest for a single egg upward into wood. They are quite harmless and the small hole does very little damage.It can be caulked full at the end of the season. Here is the lie. I told her I didn't see any nests, even though there was one. I hate killing creatures that are not harmful.

Posted - June 21, 2018
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Responses


  • 2219
    Wait till one stings her.  This post was edited by Malizz at June 21, 2018 6:00 PM MDT
      June 21, 2018 3:23 PM MDT
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  • 44619
    Only the females sting. And you have to piss them off. They are almost always hunkered down in their nests. I have only seen one.
      June 21, 2018 3:27 PM MDT
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  • 6477
    I love carpenter bees, well our equivalent is masonry bees.. I don't seem to have any anymore but they used to be in the side of my house, very little damage and they never stung anyone.. 

    It's a shame you had to lie but you know her best so I am guessing you did what you had to. 
      June 21, 2018 3:49 PM MDT
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  • 11112
    Well the road to H - E - Double Hockey Sticks is paved with good intent so you might be in trouble. Maybe now that she has a false sense of security she might go under the deck see the nest - freak out and bump her head. I'm a big believer in ripple effects/butter fly affect and I bet white lies can be a factor. Cheers! This post was edited by Nanoose at June 21, 2018 6:00 PM MDT
      June 21, 2018 4:04 PM MDT
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  • 666
    I think I know how you feel.
    My mother wants to kill everything, my ex-wife was the same.
    I like to live and let live when I can or at least try to relocate pests without killing them. You said they aren't really dangerous so it shouldn't matter. It would be nice if you could tell her that and have her accept it.
    You know I used to worry so much about being honest with my wife for years and years. I tried so hard and it turned out that she was lying to me about everything the whole time.
    So try to do what's right, communicate if you can, but don't be too hard on yourself man.
    I'm sure she's not perfect either.



    This post was edited by Summer at June 22, 2018 3:29 AM MDT
      June 21, 2018 4:16 PM MDT
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  • 44619
    I HAVE told her...She is a true non-believer.
      June 21, 2018 5:27 PM MDT
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  • 16792
    Does she enjoy coffee? Strawberries, or fruit of any kind? Hell, does she like eating anything? Inform her, truthfully, what vitally important function bees perform in that, and let her think about it. She'll forgive you.
      June 21, 2018 4:31 PM MDT
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  • 44619
    I tried to explain that. At least I talked her into not destroying the bumblebee underground nest in our back yard last year. She had a rare moment of belief.
      June 21, 2018 5:30 PM MDT
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  • 16792
    I don't hate bees, I'm ALLERGIC to them. I leave them alone. Ditto native wasps, which like your carpenter bees will only sting if you practically make them do so.
    European wasps, on the other hand, I hunt down relentlessly and destroy without mercy. Not only do they compete with native species, they're aggressive b@$tards.
      June 21, 2018 8:41 PM MDT
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  • 13071
    Aw, you werent telling a lie, you were saving a life.  :)
      June 21, 2018 6:01 PM MDT
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  • 3523
    Good answer.  I agree.
      June 21, 2018 7:37 PM MDT
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  • If a lot of bees are hovering around the pool deck, that likely signifies that there are nests there, so she probably knows you have told her a white lie.

    I wonder whether there might be a non-harmful way to discourage them such as painting an unpleasant smelly oil on the wood... 
      June 22, 2018 1:58 AM MDT
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  • 44619
    There is only one nest, and it is hard to find unless you see the bee flying into it.
      June 22, 2018 6:26 AM MDT
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  • In that case, she might not intuit the lie.

    Do you like the bees enough to provide them an alternative shelter further away from the house and paint a non-harmful discouraging stuff on the pool decking, say chilli-canola oil?
      June 22, 2018 5:23 PM MDT
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  • 7939
    Ooh. Tough call. I hate creepy-crawlies. I rely on the menfolk around me to deal with them because I cannot deal with death either. Not even mercy kills. I have been seriously beyond POed at the menfolk in my life at times for not rescuing me from said creatures. 

    That said, I'm also not concerned about bees of any kind, let alone carpenter bees. I talk to them and tell them to go about their business away from me and they do. lol I can, at times, be rational about critters, especially when they're harmless, so long as they're not spiders. Or roaches. Or... you know what? I really hate bugs. All bugs. 

    See, I'm trying to imagine if I was your wife, and I was actually concerned about something. Nanoose and Summer made really good points. It's only a white lie if it doesn't impact her later, but this might. The reality is, you were going to get your head bitten off either way. Sorry. If you refused to deal with the nest, then you'd be a jerk for not rescuing your princess, but you'd be an honorable and trustworthy jerk. If she finds out later, particularity under dire circumstances, you'll just be a jerk. One who cannot be trusted. 

    You can't win this one. I'm sorry. You're going to be a jerk no matter what. Better to be an honorable and trustworthy jerk than a lying jerk. 

    *hugs*
      June 22, 2018 3:43 AM MDT
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  • JA, with her tough love, makes an excellent point.

    One way couples fall out of friendship with each other is when they cease to care about what is important to the other and to do those small things that improve the other's quality of life. 

    I acknowledge the vital necessity of all pollinators in nature - they need their habitat too.

    The solution in seeming dilemmas is to think creatively outside the box of either/or;
    how can you fulfil the needs of both your wife and the bees?
      June 22, 2018 5:29 PM MDT
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  • 6098
     But she didn't ask you to kill them.  She must know you don't like to so she would not ask you.  A lie is a lie but I don't think that was very wrong. 
      June 22, 2018 4:46 AM MDT
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