Discussion»Questions»Relationships» If you've been HAPPILY married for a few years, do you still get privately nostalgic about at least one of your earlier relationships?
Isn’t happily married an oxymoron? Sorry, I couldn’t resist. I know this is a serious question. I’ve never married so I can’t give an answer from experience.
I can't say that there's any one woman in particular from my past about whom I reminisce. After decades of marriage, some of those memories are now so distant that they hardly ever come to mind. If and when they do, they're extremely rare and fall into the few-and-far-between category of my thoughts.
You know, Neelie, I've given this further thought, and delved into the 'why'. I realize that due to me not having had any long-term and therefore truly meaningful relationship(s) with any woman/women other than my wife, that may have a lot to do with why I hardly ever think of the women I was with prior to marrying her. That's not to say that she was either the first woman I knew, nor the only woman I knew.
I had experiences with lots of women before I got married, some of those experiences covered a time-span of an hour, a day, a few days, a week, a few weeks, a month, a few months, etc., you get the picture. It really speaks to the level of importance they hold for me now, and why I rarely think of them. It's obvious that from my point of view, they were not marriage material for me, even though more than one expressed desire that I be marriage material from her point of view. Dodged that bullet!
Another relevant point is that I've never lived with any woman other than my wife. Maintaining a residence together is a significant step in life, one I've never taken up with anyone else.
We have very different personal backgrounds. My sexual awakening came very late in my life, in middle-age, whereas yours happened while you were very young. I've had very few partners, nowhere the number you've been with. I have strong memories, good as well as bad.
I think that for me personally, being a married man, I forfietforfeit the right (?) to reminisce about former girlfriends, former lovers, former bed partners. That's not to say that each and every married person is under that same obligation, nor does it speak to unmarried people and/or never married people and their perspectives on past relationships.
As such, it's either intentional or a subconscious blocking mechanism in my brain that keeps me from opening those pages from my past. Is it self-imposed? I'm not sure, I'll just say that between my wife and myself, there are certain expectations of behaviors that should or should not take place. Some of those things are spoken, others are not. Those that are not spoken have just as much strength behind them as the spoken ones.
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This post was edited by Randy D at September 10, 2018 5:33 PM MDT
I have experienced many "first time" in this relationship and "look forward" to many more.
There has never been anyone to even slightly compare to what we have. It is really exciting!
I would not call it nostalgic: the few times a past relationship has come to mind my thoughts were, "wow,
how shallow and incomplete that was." Then I wonder if his experiences in life were similar to mine.
This post was edited by Art Lover at September 10, 2018 5:05 PM MDT
I actually DO think back on previous relationships and I always thought EVERYONE did the same. With past lovers and "near lovers", I consider them a part of my past that I will always think back nostalgically and often. I have heard from some and they have told me they looked for me because our relationship meant as much to them as it does to me. Several that have found me are married and say they always think of us together and have that "what if" memory. I know the same is true with my wife.....she has had past lovers find her and they tell each other the same thing. I really can't imagine that someone in your past meant so much to you at the time and then you never think of each other again. If they were "unforgettable", then we never would have had the relationship we had in the first place....
I feel safe saying that every one of your lovers think of you often, Neelie, and most likely think of you when they are with their new lovers. I have no doubt that when they are thinking about their past lovers, that you are the first that comes to mind....
I think that your question also means do happily married people become aroused when they think back on past lovers and relationships. My wife and I have talked openly about our past lovers and admittedly, it is arousing to remember our experiences. I know many friends who talk about their past lovers and they all seem to be happily married as well.
One from my past in particular was an older woman that I REALLY wanted sexually, but I always thought that she was flattered by my flirting with her, but she was much older and I didn't think she took me seriously when I flirted with her. I went to see her at her house one night and when she opened the door, the look on her face and her greeting was more than an invitation to come in her house. That night was one of the most unforgettable nights of lust and passion between us and I have thought of that experience MANY times ever since and still get aroused when I reflect back.....
Randy D 