How would you react if you found out things about your partner's sexual past that you were previously unaware of?

  Meh. She already knew about the track record I accumulated before I married her, I already knew that she was a virgin who had never even been kissed. If I were to now, after decades of marriage, find out new or different information about her, my reaction would be nonplussed. It wouldn't change anything of the richness and fulfillment that we've shared together all these years. 



  Sidebar: we got married very young, in retrospect, much too young. On the subject of sexuality only, I make these remarks. One thing I've learned since then is how important it is to me that she would have had at least some experience prior to meeting me. Maybe not necessarily any and every possibility of sexual activity/activities known to humankind, but certainly more than zero. I learned quickly that my teaching days were long behind me, and it wasn't something I enjoyed within the bounds of the committed marital relationship. If and when I was with a virgin previously, there was no expectation of lifelong partnership, so it didn't matter so much. It was just two people having consensual and temporary fun. The imbalance of a guy who had led a wild sex life settling down with a woman who had no firsthand knowledge of what that was like was not exactly smooth sailing. 


~ This post was edited by Randy D at September 17, 2018 2:25 PM MDT

*that you were unaware of.

FYI: It's never a bad thing to strive to write as concisely as possible by leaving out unnecessary words. "Previously" (and "currently") are almost always redundant. If you were unaware of something, it obviously was in the past or previously. Just as if you're doing something now, it obviously is currently.

It wouldn't be any of my business if it happened before we were together.....So long as they never hurt their previous partners or were perverts ,why should I care....?

Too late to do anything about it. 

Beyond just simple curiosity I don't really care about his past.  I don't see it as any of my business. We all have a past and yes it has affected us but that past is in what we are currently. So no need to dredge it up.  Though have talked to men on the net who use their partner's past to either tantalize or torture themselves. Have no idea why. 

Before he met me my husband was married to someone else for 20 years and they had two children - my stepdaughters , now grown. In recent years I have become close to his ex - we are cautious and careful with one another but friends nonetheless. Which greatly amuses and puzzles my husband. When we first met they were still seeing each other, though they had divorced and she had remarried, and I was fearful they would want to get back together again. But I soon realized that was not going to happen because time marches on and things, circumstances change. 

We both know of each other's past encounters, but we don't discuss them. This post was edited by Element 99 at September 17, 2018 2:44 PM MDT

Some things don't matter. Each person is entitled to a past. That said, some things do matter, particularly when they're indicative of character. Does it matter if my partner had 100 partners prior to me? Not so much. Not if he's disease-free and faithful now. Does it matter if my partner cheated on previous partners? I would argue that matters more. If a man has never been faithful, odds are he still won't be able to be faithful to me, even if he wants to be. 

I have found out some very dark secrets about significant others. There were times it didn't matter and times I was absolutely devastated. I could never look at them the same way again.