Meh. She already knew about the track record I accumulated before I married her, I already knew that she was a virgin who had never even been kissed. If I were to now, after decades of marriage, find out new or different information about her, my reaction would be nonplussed. It wouldn't change anything of the richness and fulfillment that we've shared together all these years.
Sidebar: we got married very young, in retrospect, much too young. On the subject of sexuality only, I make these remarks. One thing I've learned since then is how important it is to me that she would have had at least some experience prior to meeting me. Maybe not necessarily any and every possibility of sexual activity/activities known to humankind, but certainly more than zero. I learned quickly that my teaching days were long behind me, and it wasn't something I enjoyed within the bounds of the committed marital relationship. If and when I was with a virgin previously, there was no expectation of lifelong partnership, so it didn't matter so much. It was just two people having consensual and temporary fun. The imbalance of a guy who had led a wild sex life settling down with a woman who had no firsthand knowledge of what that was like was not exactly smooth sailing.
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This post was edited by Randy D at September 17, 2018 2:25 PM MDT
FYI: It's never a bad thing to strive to write as concisely as possible by leaving out unnecessary words. "Previously" (and "currently") are almost always redundant. If you were unaware of something, it obviously was in the past or previously. Just as if you're doing something now, it obviously is currently.
The word previously is appropriate because the sentence refers to two separate actions, the first occurring in the past and containingcontinuing up until the new knowledge is discovered in the present, being the second time period. As the assumption had been carried for some time and has now been overturned, the previous awareness was what the person had been going with.
Gotcha!
This post was edited by Randy D at September 17, 2018 2:26 PM MDT
I disagree. "Previously" adds nothing to the sentence. If one was unaware of something before now OR if one has just learned of something from the past, it obviously was previously. And I've wondered since the days of AB why anyone thinks this is only your job, LOL. After all, I have worked as an actual newspaper editor and, more importantly, I had the Grammar Police avatar back then!
This post was edited by Stu Spelling Bee at September 17, 2018 2:26 PM MDT
I agree that writing should be concise and accurate as possible.
On Q & A sites like this, the writing is frequently a part of what turns out to be an on-going dialogue; and I occasionally use commas that are technically not needed if I were writing a story, but which I consider necessary to separate the thoughts that I would use tonal inflections to separate were I in a casual conversation.
Prior to one of your answers on this question, I was unaware that you were an editor.
But if I wrote that I was "previously unaware" of that fact, I might be suggesting that there is no reason that I would ever had thought that about you simply by having read numerous answers that you have posted---and you would be right to consider that a subtle "dig."
But that is not what I am saying---you have always come across as articulate.
I'm just suggesting that "previously unaware" may be used by some to emphasize something in context and therefore might sometimes add content.
It wouldn't be any of my business if it happened before we were together.....So long as they never hurt their previous partners or were perverts ,why should I care....?
Wait, what? Perversion is out? Gee, why didn't you tell me that before I booked my airline tickets? Now I have to call British Airways for a refund, unpack my suitcases, try to get my old job back, see if my wife will reconcile, etc. Grrrrrr.
It wouldn't bother me - my better half wasn't a virgin when we met, I was, and she was frank and honest about her sexual history up to that point. If an encounter or two slipped her mind, I'd consider it an oversight rather than wilful deception. She chose to be with me - that's enough. She was also a patient teacher, letting me know what she enjoyed and what she didn't, and appreciated the fact that I paid attention and cared as much about her satisfaction as my own.
Beyond just simple curiosity I don't really care about his past. I don't see it as any of my business. We all have a past and yes it has affected us but that past is in what we are currently. So no need to dredge it up. Though have talked to men on the net who use their partner's past to either tantalize or torture themselves. Have no idea why.
Before he met me my husband was married to someone else for 20 years and they had two children - my stepdaughters , now grown. In recent years I have become close to his ex - we are cautious and careful with one another but friends nonetheless. Which greatly amuses and puzzles my husband. When we first met they were still seeing each other, though they had divorced and she had remarried, and I was fearful they would want to get back together again. But I soon realized that was not going to happen because time marches on and things, circumstances change.
Some things don't matter. Each person is entitled to a past. That said, some things do matter, particularly when they're indicative of character. Does it matter if my partner had 100 partners prior to me? Not so much. Not if he's disease-free and faithful now. Does it matter if my partner cheated on previous partners? I would argue that matters more. If a man has never been faithful, odds are he still won't be able to be faithful to me, even if he wants to be.
I have found out some very dark secrets about significant others. There were times it didn't matter and times I was absolutely devastated. I could never look at them the same way again.
At the beginning of a relationship I used to tell them that I had never been completely faithful but when they like you and are interested in you that doesn't really seem to matter to them. Actually I would say some men that makes you more attractive and some regard it as sort of a challenge. Or so I have thought. But then when things get good and you are really enjoying being with each other they expect that we will be faithful. Which I guess is natural but then always made me feel bad if I could not be because I wanted their love but knew maybe I did not deserve it. And even times they found out they were hurt but they wanted to keep the good going for themselves while they looked for someone else and funny but when I could feel them pulling away I would be the one to end it. Then when they would agree I would be hurt because I guess I wanted to have been more important to them. So weird how it works.
I would say even if we are unfaithful we still want love and security but we just give into temptation much more easily because we love and come to depend on the strokes both physically and emotionally.
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This post was edited by Randy D at September 17, 2018 2:25 PM MDT
Gotcha!
Randy D 