Discussion»Questions»Relationships» What would you do if you were out and came across a friend's significant other who appeared to be out with someone other than your friend?
All joking aside now, I had a similar incident occur about ten years ago. I didn't know the couple extremely well, such to the point that I could never remember the guy's name at all, I just knew he was about five or ten years older than I am. It had been about a year since I had last seen them when the following incident took place. I was in a city about an hour from where I live and work, I stopped at a food court for lunch. Walking toward me but not directly in my path was this guy and a woman I didn't know. He and I made eye contact, but because I lasted on remembering his name, I thought I'd let him initiate a greeting. I have him a milliliter of a nod to acknowledge him, he looked directly at me, gave no indication friend or foe, looked neither shocked nor surprised nor ashamed nor indifferent nor glad nor nothing, and went about his business. Now for the rest of the story. The guy in question was in state law enforcement, and as far as I knew, could have been some kind of detective or something like that. He either worked undercover or could have started working undercover since I had last seen him a year previously, which may have explained why he couldn't acknowledge me. Had I blurted out his real name, or initiated conversation, or asked to be introduced to the woman, it may have blown his cover. Rather than chance it, he just moved on as if he and I didn't know each other. I'm sure he didn't know that I had forgotten his name, heck, I don't even know if he remembered mine.
Years ago, I had a good friend and I spent a lot of time at his parent's house. One night I was out with my family at a restaurant and I saw my friend's father out with a woman who was not his father's wife. The father saw me, but did not acknowledge me. At any rate, I was somewhat shocked.
The next day my friend introduced me to his uncle who was visiting with his family from out of town.
Turns out his uncle was an identical twin to his father.
Most likley say nothing......it might be completly innocent and hinting to a friend of any in discretion might ruin a good friendship... Most likely I'd ask my mum and get her oppinion on what to do....:( Its not an easy question to answer....
My loyalty is always to my friends. I would confront his or her S/O, let them know that I know, and advise them if they don't say something, I will (would not be the first time I have done that). Now, if the tables were turned ( as they have been), and it was my friend committing infidelity, I would then be the loyal, quiet friend.
This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at November 14, 2018 8:34 PM MST
I would keep it to myself. For one thing, it could be something completely innocent in which case, I would be spreading falsehoods. For another, even if it wasn't "innocent," it's something for the two of them to resolve.
I would drop it into conversation when I saw my friend, if you see someone's significant other it is normal to say "Oh I saw ...... the other night with a blonde women, was he at a business dinner?"
I get where you are coming from, the messenger always gets shot right? But, I cannot change how I am, if I saw a friends partner out on their own or with someone else I'd mention it because it could be innocent.
However, if it clearly wasn't innocent, I'd still mention it because I've always been honest. My honesty has got me ostracized before, all that happened is the situation was drawn out even longer, the damage becoming far greater than needed, but at least I felt that I'd been true to myself and to my friend. Denial is a powerful thing.
A lesson I learned growing up in a small town, reinforced in the Marines and living in the EU; If it aint your business leave it alone. You do not know the details.
The second lesson I learned by minding your own business you are more welcome than a busy body
Randy D 