Do you know anyone who has ever successfully changed their outlook/ approach/ emotional response to things? How'd they do it?

In coaching you face winning and losing in all kinds of ways.  You have to adapt to the players you have and give them the best chance to succeed. You either learn to deal with that or you don't last long. I think the way kids are dealt with in a lot of schools with confidentiality and all that and all get trophies etc. , that they do not know how to accept losing and do anything about it but feel sorry for themselves, blame others or give up.

To tell the truth I had done that quite a few times for different reasons. The job is to get the best you can from each of course and sometimes you don't. Being positive and compliment things they do well and they will try and repeat that. Let them know what they are capable of and be truthful.   And have empathy but at the same time not feel sorry for them.  First they have to have the want to and then set goals for them. as a teacher and coach you also learn there are some you will not get through to. Starting out, you think you will save them all, continue to think that way and it will just beat you up.

I'm practicing putting in a video without mistakes.
:)

I'm practicing on your question, I hope that's OK.
:)

But, to answer your question, in some ways, I have successfully changed my outlook and responses -- with help from friends, trusted others, perseverance and -- 

many times, in a journal, I'd write down the facts, and ONLY the facts, of a situation -

then I'd list my personal reactions to those facts -

then, on paper, I would address each of my reactions (which were often irrational and/or fabricated) with truly rational alternatives --i.e.,without proof I'd think, "That person must be mad at me." Then I would perhaps list as rational alternatives -- "You don't know for a fact that that person is mad at you," "Look at the track record of that person -- has that person ever really been mad at you?" "If you're going to jump to negative conclusions without proof, why not consider a positive and/or neutral conclusion?"

enough times doing that a lot, I now most often do a lot of the above without having to write it all down. I can much more quickly arrive at a "more serene" or "neutral" emotion.

and the above steps work for me in concrete situations, too -- like a factual event that is disturbing to me somehow -- I use the same steps similar to what you said in your question -- "This is something I'd rather have had not happen. But it did. What are my potential decisions, if any, to then deal with/go on from here?" and I would keep my decision possibilities with in a rational outlook.

I've written all this and it now seems sort of silly to me.

Now, I will try to embed a video. If I succeed, it's a short Laurie Anderson clip. I love Laurie Anderson's works in music, storytelling, etc. I love the part where she starts singing something like "We're Number One, we're the best."
If I don't succeed to embed the video, obviously there will be no video here. Ha!
:)

I don't think I know anyone who hasn't. If we admit that nobody's perfect, then it's also a loss to continue being the same person as before.

kind of , i have a neighbor thats a paraplegic and hes friendlier than nny other neighbors put together, he'll be joking around and talking to you for hrs while everyone else ignores you, not sure how he does it

I've been working on the little things.  I used to be able to hit a garbage can with a wad of paper from across the room.  Now it seems, a little spin will cause it to veer to one side or the other or there will be a bit of sticky goo on it that sticks to my finger, slowing the toss, causing it to fall short.  Now, how can I possibly deal with such an unfortunate circumstance, seemingly conjured up by the forces of evil to torment me?  Well, I'll tell you.  I used to have a boss who's favorite saying was, "I didn't ask you to like it.  I just asked you to DO it!"  Since I wanted them to continue paying me money, I would then just accept that I had to do whatever it was and stop complaining.  Now I am trying to apply that same attitude to my miserable performance at garbage can/paper wad basketball of late.  The paper drops on the floor and instead of thinking, "Okay that's the spirit world's way of saying, 'bend over earthling,'"  I think, "See, I'm smiling.  I'm picking this paper up off the floor cheerfully! And I'm glad to do it for you."  It helps. Soon I will be able to apply this approach to bigger problems.  D' y' think? This post was edited by CallMeIshmael at November 18, 2018 5:05 PM MST