Ladies: Honestly, would you lose respect for your partner if he didn't make as much money as you?

Thank you.
The fact that you are nice, but you admit to being an "ass" (as you put it on another thread) and you say that you're not that sweet is probably the sweetest thing about you.
You seem honest and genuine.
My ex seemed to have this almost narcissistic or sociopathic trait built into her personality in which she could do the most despicable things and lie constantly and she will tell you what a great person she is.
The only time she'll admit that she's not so great is if you know exactly who she is and what she's done.

Otherwise it's all about keeping up appearances with her.
It's all a lie.

You are right I need to get all of this anger out before I start a new relationship.
I trusted my ex no matter what and she was a total liar.
I'm scared that now if I do meet an honest woman that I'm gonna doubt everything she says and not allow myself to get too close.
I love women so much, but I am also so scared of them after what happened with my ex and all the years that I spent with her.
I am very confused, but still optimistic that I can find a better situation for myself and show my son how wonderful a loving relationship can be because he lived through our horrible separation with me.
He's seen me suffer and he's scared of ever getting married now too.
It's sad.
Anyway, thanks for the advice. : ) This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 10, 2017 5:40 PM MDT

LOOL

They all ARE like that, but not all ACT like that. Humans are more than animals. We're able to override our base instincts.

A man trying to find a woman who is honestly indifferent to his status would be like a woman trying to find a man who is indifferent to her appearance. People can override their base impulses when they feel a true spiritual connection.

You can't rely on a partner to communicate clearly about what she really wants. So many women feel they have to pay lip service to feminist ideas of gender equality, and will say they're fine with their man doing childcare, but they're secretly not.

As Harry's response clearly shows, most women can't be real about these issues and will just scream misogyny at anyone who dares to suggest that women are anything less than angelic. They don't just defend their own virtue. They defend women in general, instinctively. Harry is not sweet at all. Don't listen to a word she says. She will sell you false dreams. Find a woman who keeps it real, or stay single.

This post was edited by Zeitgeist at September 10, 2017 9:54 AM MDT

Wow!
You both make pretty compelling arguments.
I think you have some pretty good insight into the scientific side of human nature.
I do appreciate your input.
I don't think that it's fair to say that Harry isn't sweet even if she doesn't think she is.
She tries to show respect to others who show respect.
I think that is a really good quality.

I am confused about all of this and I kinda think both of you are right.
You know?
There's your side, her side and the truth is probably somewhere in the middle.
Thank you.

TS, ask TZ to post links, other than blogs, that support his "theories."  He can't.  He doesn't have "good insight into the scientific" side. Reread what he wrote about me and all women.   I don't know him other than the few times he and I have crossed paths.  I haven't seen him outside the political boards in months.  He is an angry hateful, and lonely man.  He attacks any woman that disagrees with him.  No one is calling all women angelic.  He puts words in peoples mouths and twists everything around to suit his purpose.  He is a troll who shows up here only to stir up sh*t.  When he sees someone who is obviously hurting, he purposefully says things to put doubt in their minds.  If you listen to him, you're going to wind up just like him, alone and chronically angry at all women.  My suggestion to you is, if you haven't already done so, find a therapist to help you navigate through your anger and confusion.  You deserve to find happiness.  You need to learn to read the signals, the red flags, and learn to avoid people who may cause you emotional damage.  You need to learn how to trust again otherwise, no relationship will ever work out.  There are a lot of women out there who don't do what your wife did to you.



This post was edited by Harry at September 10, 2017 5:38 PM MDT

Thanks, I did try to look up Hypergamous instincts and I did find quite a lot of material.
I don't know if it's based on any kind of scientific studies or if it's just some kind of a misogynistic theory?
I asked another question today specifically about that so hopefully I can get some more input from everyone about it?
I do like your viewpoint as well and I do think that going into a relationship with an open mind and an open heart can go a long way.
Even if my ex did possibly have "hypergamous instincts" I still loved her and we had many happy times together.
My feelings for her were real to me.
I just need to find someone better for me I guess?
Put my heart out there and maybe she'll love me back?
I do need to learn to read the signals and to pay attention to red flags as well.
I really appreciate you trying to be the good angel on my shoulder through this, LoL!
I certainly don't want to be angry and hateful toward women because I got my heart blown to bits by my ex.
I want to put it back together and also learn to be smarter in love.
Thank you. : )

TS, if you read through all that "material" you found, it's all blogs written by men who hate women.  You can find blogs written by women who hate men.   I would never make claims those were legitimate.  There is no definitive scientific research that has been done that backs up TZ's claims.  It's why he hasn't responded to my requests for legitimate links.  He does this crap all the time. Yes, Hypergamous instincts in women is some kind of a misogynistic theory.  He gets angry whenever anyone calls him a misogynist.  It's why I keep calling him a misogynist.  ;-D     

Thanks for your answer.
Did she stay faithful, that you know of?

Can't say for sure.

Thanks for the kind words Ally.
I hope you don't mind if I ask you some questions.

Do you hold any resentment at all towards your husband for not making more money so you could stay at home with your children?

Do you think that you would be tempted to leave your husband or have an affair if a man who had status and a great job started to show interest in you?

 I didn't resent him, I'm the one with the college degree, it is what it is and I'm the one that wanted children. He agreed to having them " to make me happy " but now that we have them, especially my son, he loves them. I wouldn't have an affair with someone that made more money, money doesn't impress me it's the person inside that counts.

It sounds like you appreciate your husband for being a father and devoting his time to childcare.
Thank you for your response. : )

I guess if my wife would've wanted to be a housewife I would've continued to work full-time.
I'm not scared of work, I had 2 jobs at one point when my son was an infant and my ex stayed home for two years with him.
I made good money at the time that paid all the bills, groceries, her new car payment etc. and we still had lots left to split after bills and rent.
My point is that I was fine with the traditional gender roles and providing for my wife and child, but the way it ended up I did get to have a real bond with him that I wouldn't have if I would've been working full-time.
Once he's older I'll most likely be working full time again and this won't even be an issue in my next relationship unless I meet someone sooner?
Anyway, thanks for the response. : )

Yes. I remember talking to you on AB when we were living mirror lives then too. ;) I really admired that you were home with your son- it is a sacrifice, and with he stigma attached to it, I'm sure it's twice as tough for a man than a woman to do it. I'm sure any woman you meet who is actually compatible and a good woman is going to love that about you too. :)

Thanks you guys are so nice to me.

Can't all the women of Answermug just find me a good woman and check her out for me to make sure she's nice and then sit her down and tell her my story and then have a big Answermug party and  present her to me. LoL!

This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 11, 2017 2:20 AM MDT

lol Nobody did that for me. You're on your own, bub! We'll pop some popcorn and follow your adventures though. ;)

LoL!
I probably will tell you guys if I meet anyone, but you know how private I was while I was married right?
When I'm in relationships I don't tell people about them.
The only reason I go on about my ex is because she screwed me over so bad that I just have to get these feelings out and I don't care what she thinks anymore.

I guess if I did fall in love or date someone there's no harm in telling people especially you and some Answermuggers that were supportive when I needed it.

Thanks, I'll tell you when to make popcorn. : ) This post was edited by Benedict Arnold at September 11, 2017 2:44 AM MDT