Yes, mental torture is amusing. It doesn’t give me the same thrills as physical torture, but it is still somewhat amusing. I actually have a pet that will carry out tortures on himself at my orders and send me videos. But he has been busy lately.
I like the fact that the site is small. I find larger sites are for people who use the site as “their life“ and they get too involved and think they have a real life online. those types of people creep me the faak out and I want nothing to do with it. but yeah, this site could stand a few more big personalities And it would be just right :)
That lamp was f'ing gorgeous. Lots of flowers and purple on it. I even made a post about it. Oh God, the PTSD is back. Somebody help me. Hey Goat! Xanax and Sex. Now. Quick!
As a sadist, you need a masochist upon whom you can inflict and/or channel these desires of yours.
It’s been at at least a couple of decades since I ever felt such an urge, and it was always something I kept deep inside of me, I never actually carried anything out. I had an imaginary alter ego who would physically confront the person in an extremely aggressive and intimidating manner, egging on a fight. The fights were always very violent, but there were never any lopsided matches. Either a draw or a close victory, because my alter ego would beat down the opponent or almost be beaten down by the opponents, but never lost to them.
I think all of this probably stems from a line I read in a short story or novel when I was a teenager (I don’t remember the book exactly, but recalling it now, I believe it must have been a Dean Koontz work); a man disliked or actually hated his brother-in-law, but had to control himself because his sister loved her husband so much. The brother-in-law knew full well that he was unliked, but of course used his wife’s love as a shield, and happily perturbed the man every chance he could. One evening while the three of them were together and having drinks, the man was seething inside due to something the brother-in-law had said or done, but had to remain cordial in front of his sister in order to keep the peace. The man was well into his cups, his brother-in-law was baiting him in some way, so he had to placate by remaining non-confrontational. Through gritted teeth, he held back, but was thinking, “Oh how much I would like to see you with a split lip, cracked teeth, a black and swollen eye, sprawled out on the curb unable to move”. For some reason, that line stuck with me for years, and whenever I wanted to lash out at some guy, it gave me great solace to imagine him like that.
Years later, I’m never in any situations that render me with urges of responding in physical anger. (And I’m glad about that.) ~
I don’t like causing pain if it is consensual. Somebody wanting to be hurt ruins the whole experience, as it is no longer true cruelty. Plus, nobody would be willing to endure the kinds of things I want to do, and I would have to cheat on my husband to do such a thing. My desire is really so specific, it is hard to find outlets that come close.
The slight of hand of Satire, no one understand me anyway or worse ,the double meanings of prop'ah Engrish diction .. I can put people down with ease and even quicker if they just happen to be heavy...:)
Benedict Arnold 