I have a filter. That kind of explains it. I was thinking about this on the way here, how angry I am at my boss and how I want to make him suffer. But I never think in terms of maiming him. I want him to be sorry for not respecting how great I am.
When I put it in those words, I see how stupid I am and how non-powerful my thoughts really are if I laugh at them. I never can laugh at myself if I am telling myself the truth. This is me enmeshed in ego and I need to KILL SHARON not my boss. Kill that aspect of Sharon that identifies with revenge. IT never satisfies. IT just angers further. And if it titilates? That is beyond my comprehension. I am more like I AM GONNA DIE BUT YOU WILL DIE FIRST type of mentality. SO, I don't care the cost to me if you push me beyond normal endurance and say kill a member of my family or something. I will kill you or die trying. But I don't get a thrill at ALL over doing that action. IT is how I am made and I need to stifle that urge. I am not God and I have no right to take any life unless it is stop someone from doing harm to others.
Exactly what someone with a mental disorder would say and think. Of course, it's also what someone without a mental disorder would say and think. So the sentence is meaningless.
The point is, one can want to harm people and gain enjoyment from seeing people suffer without being a psychopath or having symptoms of psychopathy (i.e. lack of impulse control, dampened emotions, etc.)
That is what confused you? If I don't feel pleasure, that is all I can speak about. Not those who do. I don't. I can only speak for myself. How the heck do I know what you need to do? Besides see a real good shrink and then I still think you would just manipulate the answers.
I’m not filled with rage either. I like people and have no anger whatsoever—it’s all sadism. Causing pain, suffering, and fantasies of murder are all that bring me excitement.